


our doubts are traitors

by cynical_optimist, strangetowns



Series: not wisely, but too well [3]
Category: Lovely Little Losers
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Magic, M/M, Sexual Humor, Swearing, Tumblr Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9058279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynical_optimist/pseuds/cynical_optimist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangetowns/pseuds/strangetowns
Summary: if your flatmate happens to be in the same class as you and they miss class what is the appropriate thing to text them when you want to appear calm and levelheaded but also want to express careful concern about their wellbeing? ‘hey bro hope you’re doing okay’???? ‘hey man i didn’t see you in class but i’m totally not freaking out or wondering if you were kidnapped by aliens or anything i’m just fairly certain you’re not sick and i need to be reassured that you did not get hit by a bus on the way to class’?????? ‘are you dead’???????????#help a bro out-The tumblr of Peter Donaldson through the year 2015.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess you could consider this a bit of a Christmas present. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it! Happy holidays if you don't!
> 
> Updates are likely to come every couple of weeks, but please don't hold us to that. This fic is a spin-off of one lifetime with you, so it's highly unlikely that you'll be able to understand it without reading that first, but you do you.

_“Pedro? Your human…friend?”_

_Balthazar makes sure his face is clear of any of his sudden joy when he looks up, tucking the phone away without texting him back. “Yeah, Pedro Donaldson.”_

_She tilts her head, grin playing at the corners of her mouth. “Mullet boy.”_

_“You remember him?” As far as he knows, Rosa’s only met him once, when he and Pedro were about fourteen or fifteen._

_“I follow him on Tumblr.”_

-one lifetime with you, chapter 1

 

 

**pedroforpresident - > -> -> itspeternotpedro**

new year new me and all that

#psa #it’s time for a change #nothing happened i’m just Cool Like That #i’m still the same person i was #still bi as hell #still the same fun relatable shitposter as ever #just kinda rebranding #but like #permanently

 

 _elsajack asked:_ wait so does this mean you go by Peter now???

yup, would appreciate if all of you cool cats could help a bro out here plsthx

 

 _queenofroses asked:_ you can change your name all you want but I’m still going to call you Mullet Boy.

ffs

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ why are you changing your name?

hold up i’m just finishing up a post about this v important topic

 

**a PSA about my PSA**

a quick and friendly reminder that i owe no one explanations, nor am i doing this for attention. it’s just a nickname so like. nbd at all??? also i’m in uni now, gotta maintain the street cred. peace

#psa #about my psa #psaception #this post would be better if leo dicaprio wrote it #or like sat on my face while i wrote it #i mean what

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ personally i’m super happy to see you take steps for yourself. if you need anything just shoot me an ask, i’m always open to talk!  <3

thx bro x

-

god bless all of you respecting the name change, it’s basically the best thing that’s happened to me all week

#yes i have low standards for my week #if you went through the same shit i did you’d understand

 

hook up, still in bed with me: hey, so I had a great time last night – wait, are you on tumblr???

me, throwing phone out of window, deleting all of my social media accounts, cleansing my tumblr of all of my personal and embarrassing posts of which there are many: no

#sorry not sorry #just living my life my bros #for the record i did not actually throw my phone out the window #though admittedly that is 100% something I would do #also for the record: yes they are still here #hashtag no shame

 

oh god fred’s freaking out over the milk again i can hear her meltdown from like two rooms away

#king freddie #flat shenans #new tags hooray #i feel like i’m going to be making great use of them in the near future

 

i’d tell her it was my fuck buddy from last night but also i value my life and all the small pleasures that come with it like cheese pizza and sheep dog and wolf

#king freddie #flat shenans #i love sheep dog and wolf more than i love dying #js

 

(actually it might not have been my fuck buddy… might have been me actually)

#....... oops?

 

but luckily one of the other flatmates went out and got milk before she could properly flip her shit so like. touche, flatmate. touche

#king freddie #literal ray of sunshine #flat shenans

 

is calling someone an angel putting undue pressure on them if they walk in the door with the solution to everyone’s problems and the light framing them in just the right way????

#literal ray of sunshine #flat shenans #i mean really

 

me: thanks for getting the milk, p sure you literally just saved my ass

b: nah your ass doesn’t need saving, it’s independent, don’t need no man

me: my ass is going to take that as a compliment

b: your ass probably should haha

#literal ray of sunshine #i may or may not be paraphrasing a little

 

 _worstdanceever asked:_ your flatmates sound wild

that’s… a word for it

#flat shenans #would i use ‘wild’ hmmm #i think i prefer ‘completely and utterly ridiculous’ #or something like ‘batshit insane’ #half of them anyway #i consider myself part of the more level headed faction of the flat #i feel like that’s a really nice hint for you guys #as to what living in this flat is actually like

 

 _burnpineperish asked:_ i literally cannot imagine a world in which you are part of any faction that can be described as ‘level headed’

you don’t know my life, you don’t know my choices

 

 _elsajack asked:_ wait no give us a quick breakdown of your flatmates we’re all curious now!!

I feel like this is violating some sort of unofficial nda freddie probably drafted in her sleep but okay, the people asked and i must answer. i already blog about two of them on like a semi-regular basis so this isn’t exactly a surprise but here:

freddie – supreme overlord of the flat. jk but she does pay like half the rent and utilities. her job is p fucking crazy but i respect her privacy like marginally so i’ll just leave it at that

ben – kind of a dick, it’s okay though because i’m kind of a dick so it works out. went to high school with this beautiful bastard™

balth – literal actual angel sent from the heavens above, he plays his guitar and everyone in a five hundred foot radius has just been cleansed of their sins (also went to high school with him; beautiful, certifiably not a bastard™)

me – complete and utter asshole, also the best person any of you will ever hope to meet in your lives

#king freddie #ben a dick #literal ray of sunshine #flat shenans

 

 _emblue asked:_ ‘beautiful and certifiably not a bastard’??? are u holdin out on us peter

listen i have absolutely no problem whatsoever with aesthetically appreciating my flatmates and you shouldn’t either. free yourself

#there is no shame in calling it like it is #js

 

 _burnpineperish asked:_ you do live together…

it’s literally just a matter of aesthetic, no harm done in looking with the very two eyes the good lord gave me

 

 _emblue asked:_ r u sure

absolutely 100% completely irrevocably yes

 

ben just claimed he could jump down the staircase outside our flat and tried to make me give him 50 dollars to try it… honestly considering it

#ben a dick #flat shenans #anyway gonna call it quits for the day while i’m still ahead #it’s been real bros

-

yooooooooooooooooooooo haha im so plastered rn you know what to do drunk ama anons allowed every question will be answered hmu thxxxxxxx

#drunk ama #im amazed im sober enough to remember to tag this properly

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ who’s balth?

wow how do i begin to answer this???? how do i describe balth light of my life can do no wrongs has a voice that could make babies cry baby tears literal actual ray of fucking sunshine???????????????????????????????????????????

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ dont u think idolizing smeone like that is kindof problematic??

yeah okay i’ll be honest here like i know balth is a human being and like obv no one is perfect like trust me i know that better than literally anyone but i’m also not gonna pretend i don’t think the dude is a stand up guy and like maybe i’ll make a few good natured jokes in the meantime but focusing on someone’s positive sides doesn’t mean i don’t know that they have other sides it just means i don’t always want to focus on the negative okay okay glad we had this talk

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ you certainly seem to enjoy focusing on the negative sides of your other flatmates

again it’s all good-natured joking i love them all really i’m never going to say anything actually terrible about them that i mean if i can help it and if you guys want me to tough bc i will fight for them

 

 _burnpineperish asked:_ you. fight people.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s all in a metaphorical sense k

 

 _emblue asked:_ do we get pics of literal ray of sunshine ;)))))))))))))))

heyyyyyyyy i am all about totally mutually consensual selfies but there will be no sneaky paparazzi pics unless i get someone’s permission to post it on here and i will never ask permission in case they find this trash heap of a blog sorry bro i am Not About That Life i have some modicum of dignity left

 

 _worstdanceever asked:_ you literally host AMAs where anyone can ask you probing and possibly incredibly invasive personal questions. while drunk. there is no dignity left in your body.

why do i need dignity when i can have other things in my body ;) ;) ;) (this is not a come on im just hungry af oh my goddddddddd)

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ go eat something!! And stay hydrated!!!

in a biiiiiiiiiiiiiit i’ve still got dem kyoos to answer

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ fmk – leo dicaprio, chris pine, robert downey jr

kill chris marry leo fuck the fuck out of iron man

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ fmk - steve rogers, bucky barnes, sam wilson

marry sam and have a threesome with steve and bucky and then they can marry each other (hell they can marry me and sam and we can all have a healthy very happy very bi polyamorous relationship)

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ fmk – your flatmates

listen im drunk but im not that drunk

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ you said ‘ask me anything’

okay so you have the freedom to choose what to ask me and i have the freedom to choose what questions to take seriously hey hey hey freedom of speech is a beautiful fucking thing

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ what are you studying at uni?

how to be a baller when i graduate

 

 _emblue asked:_ how’s the old love life?? (winky face implied)

it’s p chill like i’m seeing a lot of people a lot of people are seeing me sometimes we make out sometimes we bang and it’s all cool i’m pretty happy and not really looking for anything else rn

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ how’s being bi?

frankly dear nonny it is the best goddamn thing that has ever fucking happened to me

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ being bi is p new for you isn’t it??

this is a bad question on like a hundred fucking levels but it’s okay nonny i forgive you the night is still young

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ you don’t talk a lot about magic anymore… are you still into it?

nah

 

 _Anonymous asked:_??? magic is what I followed you for :(

feel free to unfollow me but i won’t be doing that shit anymore here or anywhere else i’d apologize but i don’t think i need to apologize for being real

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ did something happen?

Is this question about the magic thing because if it is here’s a concept it’s none of your fucking business magic is and has always been personal to me no matter what i feel about it so i’d appreciate if people didn’t pester me bout it thx xoxoxo

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ lightning round!

bring it

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ bars or drinking alone at home?

bars wtf do you take me for????????

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ law or politics?

polisci all the way fuck law up its rectum

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ Marlowe or Ben Jonson?

they’re both fuckwads but don’t tell ben i said that because he’d kill me in my sleep and again i actually value my life

 

 _elsajack asked:_ why would he kill you?????????

ben has a boner for marlowe so big you can see it from outer space it’s almost as big as mine for leo dicaprio

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ who in your flat would you most want to make out with??

myself

 

**it’s been real**

but i think it’s time for me to get myself fed and then probably sleep for a million years thx guys and prayer circles to help ensure i don’t wake up with a wicked hangover tomorrow are welcome

-

fffffffffffffffffffffuck i have a wicked fucking hangover

#this is what i get for having too much fun

-

do you think if i shove a pencil into my eye orphan black style i can get out of my history exam today

#sacrifices must be made #for the greater good #i will gladly sacrifice bodily wellbeing for the wellbeing of my soul

 

 _emblue asked:_ you watch orphan black?!?! what do you think???

slick as hell, also bi af

#sorry i don’t make the rules

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ if you’re down for fmks right now - Sarah, Cosima, Rachel

nonny I am *always* down for fmks. hm let’s see... marry cosima in an open arrangement that will let her love on delphine whenever she wants, make sweet sweet love with sarah, kill rachel with pleasure (technically though would i be fmk the same person? i will consent to marriage and sex with tatiana maslany but i don’t know how i feel about murdering her)

 

 _burnpineperish asked:_ the pencil thing sounds like the worst idea you’ve ever had

listen. there is a 99.9999999% chance this is not the worst idea i’ve ever had

#contenders for The Worst Idea Peter Has Ever Had include: #that time i ate nothing but instant ramen for a solid week #star wars marathon with no planned breaks #asking someone out while they were filming a vlog #also the entirety of the second half of 2014

 

when you’re studying peacefully in your flat and your roommates come in and immediately start fights

*[ this is fine gif ](http://66.media.tumblr.com/2da1e4446738576b028c117254fc2a3f/tumblr_o0i5cilAYi1s5e5bko1_500.gif)*

#surely there are better places to fight than where your sweet precious flatmate is studying #ffs you people #flat shenans

 

 _worstdanceever asked:_ did you just call yourself sweet and precious??????

uhhhhh i don’t appreciate the implication that i am a liar, i am nothing but completely 100% honest especially about myself

 

ben: *says something offensive about magic*

freddie: *starts a crusade*

#o boy here we go #do you think anyone will notice if i sneak out to make popcorn #ben a dick #king freddie #flat shenans

 

me: magic doesn’t exist my guys

freddie: *kill bill sirens in her head, probably*

#if looks could kill #honestly though where is balth when you need him #the guy is so much better at peace making than i am #king freddie #flat shenans

 

freddie: why are you on your phone we are having a v important discussion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: i’m making a record for posterity in case you murder me so that the police have something to go off of

#i did not actually say this #i love to live #also i should probably stop typing lol #king freddie #flat shenans

 

welp that was fun but the atmosphere of the flat is now killing my vibe so imma go out tonight let’s turn up

#fuck history am i right #fuck uni fuck everything except having fun #(and fucking) #maybe i can invite some of the flatmates along #they’ve been kind of tense lately

 

no one in this flat wants to go out to town with me, what losers what scrubs what complete prudes

#who needs them anyway #fuck this shit let’s get drunk

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ would you say they’re elves?

No

 

**no drunk amas tonight soz love you guys xo**

#psa #kind of??????? #i really need to get leo d to write these for me

-

so i don’t know if i told you guys this yet but guess which fucker has a jooooooooooooob

#it’s not exactly old news i’ve had it for like over a month now lol #just been too busy to mention it

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ ooh is it a cool job? :)

yeah i don’t mind it, i serve people drinks and hope they don’t vomit on my bar and it’s chill

#i have had to clean up barf before doing this job #0/10 would not recommend

 

anyway i mention it now because my coworker is a huge fucking nerd and i just wanted to let you guys know that she just spilled our sprite all over the floor

#fuck dammit jaquie it was a perfectly good floor #and perfectly good soda #wacky jaquie

 

after a brief period of reconsideration (and several unsolicited death threats) i have decided my coworker is not a huge fucking nerd but is in fact the coolest person i have ever met. as such i am issuing my deepest apologies for the slander in the last post and will spend the rest of my days worshipping her as an actual goddess

#i got at least five death threats just for calling her ‘wacky’ #actual goddess jaquie

 

 _worstdanceever asked:_ i want to be best friends with your coworker

me: jaquie the internet loves you

jaquie: good

 

 _emblue asked:_ marry jaquie

i understand why this is an appealing match up because i am v bi and she also happens to be v v bi (don’t worry i asked her if i could share that before i posted this) and with my stunningly good looks and her sarcasm that could slaughter the most stonehearted of individuals we’d be virtually unstoppable but nah i don’t see her that way

#i could totally friend marry her though

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ do you see anyone that way right now?

no

-

grocery shopping with the ‘mates, which is about as exciting as it sounds

#read: not at all #then again i rarely hang around the flat these days so maybe this is a good thing??

 

actually it’s really only one flatmate, freddie is flipping her shit about some upcoming assignment and ben is calling his long distance gf because they are disgusting and actually have a scheduled time to skype each other every day

#they’re so happy it’s repulsive #flat shenans

 

b: at least this time i don’t have to get the milk on my own

me: i’m atoning for my lactose tolerant sins

b: frankly that just sounds gross

#we don’t even need milk this time around #literal ray of sunshine

 

oh my fuck i just found out balth doesn’t like mustard I FEEL SO BETRAYED

#YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP #I NEVER KNEW #DO I EVEN KNOW HIM TBH #literal ray of sunshine

 

i just informed him that we couldn’t be friends anymore and he laughed and apologized

#what even is this guy #literal ray of sunshine

 

me: BUT WHY

b: haha i dunno i just don’t like how it tastes

me: BUT HOW

b: i never knew you felt so passionate about mustard

b: you should start a movement

me: I MIGHT

#pro mustard 2k15 who’s with me #literal ray of sunshine

 

 _elsajack asked:_ why do you feel so strongly about mustard????

everyone knows mustard is the SUPERIOR condiment and i simply cannot associate with anyone who disagrees

 

okay never mind balth has redeemed himself by offering to pay for my alcohol

#’it’s my turn to pay for the groceries anyway’ #bless his soul he doesn’t even drink #literal ray of sunshine

 

also let it be known that being vegan does not a healthy diet make because someone not naming any names here but _someone_ just dumped like three family sized bags of chips and a six-pack of red bull into our cart

#and you people get on my case for making bad life choices

 

me: is that all for you

b: oh shit yeah you’re right we should get stuff for the whole flat

b: *adds two more bags and another six-pack into the mix*

#christ muffins #literal ray of sunshine

 

i feel like i learned more about who balthazar is as a person on this one shopping trip than i knew of him in like the last five years or however the fuck long we’ve known each other

#and yet #the more i find out #the more questions i have #literal ray of sunshine

-

freddie was staring at me earlier today and i was like “why are you staring at me” and she blushed dark red and was like “you have something on your face!!!!” and fled the room

#i didn’t have something on my face #king freddie

 

 _emblue asked:_ i ship it

what me and freddie???? lol i can guarantee you that stare was not one of attraction but rather of very deep suspicion

#also not in a million years tbh #like i like her well enough #but like #no

 

 _elsajack asked:_ why would she be suspicious of you???????

your guess is as good as mine bro

-

if your flatmate happens to be in the same class as you and they miss class what is the appropriate thing to text them when you want to appear calm and levelheaded but also want to express careful concern about their wellbeing? ‘hey bro hope you’re doing okay’???? ‘hey man i didn’t see you in class but i’m totally not freaking out or wondering if you were kidnapped by aliens or anything i’m just fairly certain you’re not sick and i need to be reassured that you did not get hit by a bus on the way to class’?????? ‘are you dead’???????????

#help a bro out

 

 _elsajack asked:_ which flatmate???

i don’t know if this actually makes a difference but i’m actually in a history lecture with both ben the dick and balth the other dude in this flat, if i was a lesser person i’d make you guys guess but nah it’s literal ray of sunshine

#ben a dick #literal ray of sunshine

 

thanks for all the help guys but it’s okay, i’m back in the flat and he’s totally fine, he even asked me if i want to eat dinner with the flat tonight and like usually no but also his cooking makes me want to die a slow sweet death

#you guys don’t understand #he almost makes me want to go vegan #if my biggest weakness wasn’t a well cooked hamburger #literal ray of sunshine #flat shenans

 

i would literally die for a burger. i would give up my life for a hamburger and i wouldn’t regret a single second

#my standards have sunk so low don’t look at me #listen guys i love meat so much

 

meanwhile i would probably not die for balth’s cooking but i would like cut off a leg or an ear or something

#literal ray of sunshine #i am not kidding

 

if your flatmate misses class the best thing is probably to like offer him your notes right? but like i don’t want to seem too eager or smething stupid

#i don’t even know anymore #i’ll probably wait for him to ask #he’s usually proactive about this kind of thing #literal ray of sunshine

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ you do know what that last post sounds like right?

that i’m casually concerned about my flatmate’s well-being??? why yes nonny that is exactly right

 

 _Anonymous asked:_ sure dude whatever you say

i have absolutely no idea what you’re trying to imply here

 

okay dinner time now time to put the phone away lest my flatmates spend the whole meal criticizing me, keep me updated on the happenings of the internet while i’m gone i’m counting on you guys

#it’s not my fault i want to stay connected with the world okay #flat shenans

-

Fuck this flat.

 

 _canonicallyace asked:_ are you okay?? did something happen??? D:

Ask me that tomorrow.

-

Jaquie opens her door looking as unimpressed as is probably humanly possible. If Peter hadn’t already texted her, he might actually be worried.

“You’re lucky none of my other flatmates are home yet,” she says without preamble as she ushers him in gracelessly. “Otherwise we’d be getting so many questions about whether we’re hooking up or not.”

Peter winces.  “I mean, that’s not entirely without precedence, is it?”

“Can we not? That was an uncomfortable time for everyone involved. After the fact, I mean. During was fine, I guess.”

“Wow, I get rated as just ‘fine’? Rude.”

Jaquie rolls her eyes. She is rather endowed in the “sees effortlessly through Peter’s bullshit” department, so it’s not surprising she’s not going to take it this time around.

“You okay, man?” she asks, not unkindly. It’s a fair question, he supposes. His text wasn’t very coherent beyond a lot of swear words and keyboard smashing.

Peter lets himself collapse onto the couch and clutches his phone to his chest. “Fuck, man,” he groans. “Just. Fuck.”

Surprisingly enough, Jaquie doesn’t attempt to snark him out of his funk. She simply sits on the couch next to him and awkwardly pats him on the shoulder. “What happened?”

Peter squeezes his eyes shut. “Freddie thinks I’m an incubus.”

Jaquie’s breath whistles loudly through her teeth. “ _Shit,_ man.”

He rubs at his eyes. “Yeah. She physically threatened me. That was a fun time. And then I just left, because like fuck I was gonna deal with that anymore.”

Jaquie snorts out a laugh. “I don’t know why you’re always telling me to fight you. You’d be such shit in a real fight if the first thing you do is just to run away.”

Peter ignores her. “I can’t come home tonight,” he mutters, half to himself. “Like hell that’s happening.”

“Yeah, man. That’s fine.” Jaquie runs a hand through the tangle of her hair. “I can make up the couch for you. And then we can have a beer or ten and talk about our feelings.”

Peter manages to eke out half a smile. “That sounds stupidly lame and I’m a hundred percent down for it.”

“Yeah, I know. Come on.”

It takes a few minutes for them to settle in, but soon Jaquie’s in her PJs and Peter’s in a pair of sweatpants Jaquie texted her roommate to ask if he could borrow, curled up on the couch with something insipid on Netflix playing on the laptop perched precariously on her lap. Peter nurses his beer like there’s a chance in hell he might drop it, and his phone is muted, facing down on the arm of the couch. He’s not really in the mood for staying connected with the world right now.

It’s almost nice. He can almost forget why he’s doing this in the first place. Almost.

He feels Jaquie’s eyes on him, then.

“This kills me, Peter,” she says into the silence. “Seeing you like this, coming to my place every time shit goes south in your flat? It kills me.”

They’re barely halfway into their beers and already she’s wanting to make this into a serious thing. Jesus christ.

“Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do?” he says, resigned. “It’s peachy ninety eight percent of the time, when they leave me the fuck alone. Just so happens that when it’s not, it’s kind of terrible.”

“Right, like I couldn’t see that for myself.” She brings an arm tentatively around his back and rubs at his shoulder. “What’s so great about living there, if it makes you so unhappy?”

Living there doesn’t make him unhappy, really. He wasn’t lying when he said it was fine most of the time. His flatmates are cool people, and they’re fun to be around when they want to be. It seems kind of stupid to bail on them over something as insignificant as magic should be. Especially when he decided long ago that magic doesn’t matter anymore. Not to him.

Times like these, he gets angry, or frustrated, or irritated as fuck. That’s true enough. But he’s not unhappy. He can admit that much to himself.

“Do I have anywhere else to go?” he says. He turns just in time to see Jaquie purse her lips, that little expression she makes when she’s thinking hard.

“You know,” she says slowly, “one of my flatmates _is_ looking for someone to sub-lease to. They’re going out of town for a while. And regardless, we could use the extra rent…”

“Jaquie,” he says. “Don’t.” _I don’t want your charity_ , he thinks, even though he knows full well that’s not what this is.

She groans. “God, Peter, why are you being so stubborn?” She casts a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. “You’re not in love with one of them, are you? What about the one with the ridiculous name? Don’t pretend you don’t take every available opportunity to ogle his ass.”

“Christ’s sake, Jaquie, of course I’m not in love.” He sighs. She’s going to want an answer, an upfront one, and he’s not really sure he’s in a position to give it.

He’s thought frequently, of course, about why he can’t really entertain the thought of leaving his flat. It’s not for Balthazar, not just for him, anyway. The thing is, no matter what happens, they’re his friends. Even when he’s angry at them like he is now, even when he’s pissed out of his goddamn mind, he can recognize that they mean well. They all care about each other, even when things get fucked. And he knows what it’s like not to be there for your friends at the best and the worst of times. He doesn’t want to make that mistake again. He doesn’t want to give up like that ever again.

“It’s complicated,” he settles with eventually.

The glare she gives him at that is incredulous. “Bull _shit_.”

“Yeah, probably.” He shrugs. “Still not going to talk about it.”

“Ridiculous.” She makes a point to shake her head. “All right, then. I won’t push it. But you know I’d be more than willing to talk to the rest of my flat about you if you needed me to.”

“Yeah, I know.” He grins at her briefly, the first time that night he’s really smiled. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“You didn’t, I just decided to take pity on you one fateful day.” She pats his head fondly. “Anyway, now that your shit’s dealt with, we can talk about _me_ for a change. There’s this really cute girl who comes into the bar every now and then, but she’s almost never alone and I have to figure out if I want to put in the effort to try to kiss her face or if it’s not worth it.”

Peter is more than willing to take the out. He doesn’t need to think about the flat situation, not right now, not tonight. He just needs to forget for a while.

“No one’s worth you, Jaquie Manders,” he says.

She smiles warmly at him. “I taught you well.”

“On a scale of one to ten,” he says, picking up his phone to check his messages, “how cute is she?”

“Oh, easily an eight. Eight point five, if I’m being generous.”

Predictably enough, he does have an unread message. Even more predictable is the name that’s attached to it.

 **From: Balthazar Jones** **  
** _Are you doing okay?_

He sighs again. It should be an easy question.

 **To: Balthazar Jones** **  
** _yeah fine thx mum_

“Yo, earth to Peter.” Jaquie nudges him gently with her shoulder. “Don’t you want to hear my unnecessarily elaborate descriptions of how hot this girl is?”

“Sorry, sorry.” He frowns at his phone, and settles for one last message.

 **To: Balthazar Jones** **  
** _dont wait up 4 me_

He puts down his phone and leans his head on Jaquie’s shoulder as she talks. She doesn’t push him off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though we've finally gotten around to posting this, the other spin-offs aren't quite so lucky; we've decided that this is the only one we're going to finish. Worry not--if you were desperate to know what happened in them, we're still going to post the outlines at some point in the future, most likely on our [collab blog](http://pokeallthelawyers.tumblr.com/).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behold, the second part! As you can see, the update schedule is nowhere near as regular as olwy, but we do what we can.

**Chapter 2**

 

**i’m fine**

some stuff happened last night with my flat and i’m not really talking to them atm, but i escaped to jaquie’s so it’s cool

#sorry for freaking you out #flat shenans #actual goddess jaquie #i might be in a pissy mood for a while just a warning #i’m going to go back tomorrow morning and test the waters/grab my stuff

 

_ elsajack asked: _ are you really okay????

i’m fine. as i said, some bullshit went down but i’m all good. don’t rlly want to talk about it.

 

_ worstdanceever asked: _ Do I need to Fight them for you

ha, you’re welcome to it

#maybe stay away from balth tho like he tried to defend me and shit

 

\- 

 

if i go back to the flat at seven in the morning do you think it’ll be early enough that no one will notice

#i could be a spy in my own house #it might be super fucking early but also my flatmates might not see me

 

shit i really need a coffee

#or a stiff drink #some might say it’s too early for drink #others might say fuck you #i’m just saying

 

right well here we go wish me luck

#thank god jaquie’s flat is close enough to walk tbh #can you imagine me in a car right now #now there’s a laugh #the only thing that’s a bigger wreck waiting to happen than that is my life

 

_ canonicallyace asked:  _ good luck Peter!!!!

thanks mate

 

**kay i’m back**

i don’t understand why my phone blew up with so many messages i mean like i know i spend literally all my time on here but seriously like a guy can’t take a day off without all you people thinking i’ve gotten myself murdered or something????

#yeah i don’t know #i’m back in the flat here i guess #that is something

 

_ elsajack asked:  _ are you okay Peter?? Could we get an update?

i actually have lots of messages like this in my inbox right now, i don’t know why you guys care so much about my life but okay sure here’s an update

so yeah, i’m back in the flat, not exactly avoiding people but not exactly seeking them out either, and tbh i don’t think i’m obligated to change that right now

i did run into another flatmate when i got back and we talked. it was... enlightening

but i need a break from drama and people right now so it’s back to school and all that good stuff, let’s hope i don’t fuck up too badly this week and leave it at that

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ ofc we care about your life!!! dude your posts light up my life, every time i see you on my dash i feel like i’m seeing an old friend

thanks man i appreciate that

 

_ burnpineperish asked:  _ i think we just like making sure you’re okay

that’s... super nice of you guys. thanks

 

-

 

i’m just really sick of biphobia and slutshaming like guys it’s 2015. can we please be past this.

#vagueblogging #bi stuff

 

okay so like i sort of want to talk to one of my flatmates like he didn’t actually do anything but also i promised jaq i would stay away from all of them (as much as i can when we live in the same flat) and i have already established here that i value my life what do i do???

#literal ray of sunshine #i just passed him in the living room and he looks so sad guys #guys balth should never be sad oh my god it’s the worst thing i’ve ever seen in my life #help a bro out

 

you’re all so unhelpful oh my  g o d

#your implications are highly offensive to me

 

-

 

someone just vomited on my bar. AGAIN

#peter = highly unamused #jaquie = highly amused because she doesn’t have to clean it up I DO

 

_ worstdanceever asked:  _ gross dude

YOURE TELLING ME

 

okay jaquie helped never mind she really is a literal goddess

#i have never been so glad #to see a packet of lysol wipes #in my life #actual goddess jaquie

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ aside from the vomit how’re you doing?

i’m pretty sure i’m not failing at least half my uni classes, work pays well, life goes on

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ and your flat?

nah man i’m working, work is a strict “peter does not talk about his personal shit” zone

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ i’m pretty sure you’ve violated that rule yourself multiple times already

yeah okay i’m not in the mood sorry

 

-

 

when people you really don’t want to talk to try to approach you anyway and you don’t have an excuse you just leave

#sorry freds but also not sorry #king freddie #should i tag this i probably shouldn’t tag this but who gives a flying fuck #she keeps trying to apologise like pls if you want me to work thru my emotions you need to give me space

 

_ Anonymous asked: _ what did she do????

look i know i air a lot of my dirty laundry on here but this is none of your business nonny

 

_ burnpineperish asked _ : aren’t you being a bit rude to her?

yes

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : i will Fight her for you

thanks but i don’t want anyone to die in my name

#look freddie could take down an entire room of assassins probably please don’t fight her #i value your life #king freddie

 

-

 

i think i’m gonna try and fix this

#wish me luck guys

 

_ elsajack asked _ : what are you going to do??

i think i’m going to bring them out to town with me, let them experience the clubs, live the life. see that it’s not actually filled with life-sucking demons

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : It’s not really you who should be fixing it though. You should wait for them to come to you.

look nonny i’m sure you mean well but literally no relationships would ever be fixed if that happened. someone has to take the first step

#i give life advice now apparently

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : They should be apologising though.

look they’ve tried, and i’m sure they’re going to properly apologise once i let them. i’m just trying to get everything back to normal

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : let us know how it goes?

that is conditional on all of you wishing me luck

 

-

 

i just passed a sign on a box of free condoms that had a pic of voldemort on it and it said “protect your wand before entering the chamber of secrets” i just i have no words i really don’t

#like okay whatever works like i’m all for safe sex #voldemort’s face is kind of a boner killer tho #uni: the life the struggle

 

i’m walking with ben and he just grabbed a handful of condoms and threw them at me and said “here pete you probably need these right”

#.............. kay #ben a dick

 

_ worstdanceever asked:  _ i can’t tell if that’s being a considerate friend or some weird form of slut shaming?

tbh i don’t think ben knows what he’s doing half the time either

#i’m sure he means well????? #i think?????????????

 

i’m trying to decide what to do with all these condoms on the ground now do i pick them up?? put them back???? stuff them into my pockets surreptitiously?????? Like either way this is a lose lose situation

#thanks ben #my life is a neverending series of dilemmas and social faux pas

 

-

 

people in flower crowns though

#everything within me is melting #h e l p #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : it sounds like you’re crushing hard ;))))))))

it is literally just aesthetic appreciation we have discussed this before, i would link you to the post if i thought i could find it in the cesspool that is my blog

#it’s not my fault that everyone in my flat is ridic attractive #like okay leonardo dicaprio is more attractive but there are some legit attractive people in this flat and it’s not just me

 

two down, one to go

#i just realised how ominous that sounds #I’M NOT A MURDERER GUYS THIS IS JUST ABOUT THE TOWN TRIP #actually i’m relieved at how well it went with freddie #things are getting better guys

 

work makes the days go bi

#get it #you guys think i’m funny don’t you #jaquie just sort of gave me a Look #’you’re offending people with your terrible puns peter’ #thanks jaq love you too #actual goddess jaquie

 

_ elsajack asked _ : should you be on your phone at work????

i should not but luckily i am not at work i am blessedly drunk with my dear friend my bae jaquie

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : Terrible Joke Peter is almost as bad as Awful Poetry Peter

wowwww

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : drunk ama?!?!?!?!

tmrw night def i promise

 

_ burnpineperish asked _ : should you be getting drunk two nights in a row?

probs not tbh but whatever i am an adult i make my own decisions

 

jaquie just suggested we audition for a play one of her friends friends is putting on and like yes but also its a marlowe thing and ben would smother me in my sleep so

 

_ elsajack asked: _ 1) yes 2) why would ben murder you???

jealously okay if ben knew there was a marlowe play being done he would do anything to get into it and i really would not put murdering me to get a part beneath him that’s how big his boner for marlowe is

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : ur p rude to ben

its all out of love i swear okay hes been one of my best friends since we wr like 12

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : say hi to jaquie for me!

me:  jaquie the internet says hi

jaquie: of course they do

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ could jaquie do a drunk ama???????????????

lemme just see if i can convince her

 

send in your questions peeps they will be answered by jaquie aka the most wonderful person in the world you know the drill kthxbi <333333

#drunk ama #jaq has reminded me to tag #actual goddess jaquie

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ marry me?

Sorry babe I’m not into grey faces online -J

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ are you seeing anyone?

At the moment I am free and unfettered and totally not ogling the cute person at the other end of the bar -J

 

_ elsajack asked _ : what are you studying at uni?

Magical studies, with an emphasis on Maori legends and how they were impacted by colonisation -J

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : how are you coherent rn?

Peter Donaldson is a fucking lightweight. Please don’t assess my sobriety by his -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : is peter okay? like, actually?

We’re working on it -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : fmk: faeries, werewolves, doppelgangers (peter doesn’t let us do magic-themed ones anymore :( )

fuck werewolves, kill doppelgangers but only because it’s hypothesised they can heal from almost anything, and marry faeries because firstly they are incredibly powerful and secondly because there’s like none left and I would want to protect any remaining (Peter is a bit of an idiot but we just have to love him anyway) -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : are you going to do the play??

Yes. I will get the role of Faustus because I want it more than Peter and then he will have to pay for my drinks for a month because he thought a bet would be a good idea -J

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ selfie?

The lights in this bar are abysmal. Ask Peter tomorrow -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : celeb crush?

Tatiana Maslany. Or the entire cast of Hamilton. I honestly cannot choose -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : are you into musicals?

With every bone in my body -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : fmk: enjorlas, grantaire, eponine

Oh my god this is impossible. I will not. I will fuck all of them and marry Eponine but leave Enjolras and Grantaire to flirt and pine in peace -J

 

_ emblue asked _ : seen a lot of pining lately?

You have no idea -J

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : worst mistake you ever made?

Getting deep here, are we? Uh, probably that time I got blackout drunk to celebrate finishing one exam, only to discover I had an 8am the next day. Luckily it was an in-class essay on a topic I was obssessed with for like three years so I still passed -J

 

ookay guys its peter again jaquie says she loves you all but shes abandoning us to flirt with the cutie on the other side of the bar

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : will u answer our questions???

nah im probs gonna head home now like on the one hand there’s some very attractive people tonight and there was this one dude making eyes at me across the dance floor but on the other i have another thing tmrw so like not a good idea tho id totally do it if he looked like leonardo di caprio (i mean what)

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ goodnight

night, my peeps xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

-

 

my head hurts so fucking baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad every single lyric of glare applies to me right now. please hide me from the sun.

#the sun hates me #can someone pls rec me a hangover cure

why are my friends such assholes oh my god

#i’m fine i do not need mothering

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : can i fight this one?

why do you want to fight my friends

 

-

 

some people are just really nice, like all of the time. how.

#literal ray of sunshine #he has the best smile out of like everyone ever too #how does he exist

 

@everyone pls stop implying what i think you’re implying, it’s not going to happen

 

-

 

* [ flat selfie ](http://static2.hypable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/lovely-little-losers-cast-interview.png) *

Off to town!

#flat shenans #this is the face of a man ready to have fun #this ought to be fun #don’t forget the ama later #here is your selfie guys i hope you’re satsfied

 

\- 

 

guysssssssssssss some people are so pretty wtf

 

_ emblue asked _ : who?!?!?! (also where is the ama we were promised?)

not someone i rlly have any business calling pretty lol also soon i am still with people

 

i just heard someone use the word “boogey” in all seriousness what is this am i alive

 

fife in the drums is love, fife and the drums is life

 

-

 

okay okay i am omw back to the flat send me all the questions anons allowed etc etc pls ask me thingsss xx

#drunk ama

 

_ emblue asked:  _ celeb crush????

tatiana maslany in any form and also leonardo di caprio who is like half the reason i realised im bi

 

_ burnpineperish asked:  _ only half?

;)

 

_ canonicallyace asked:  _ How’s the flat going?

p well p well we’re fixing things and such and ben is rlly rlly plastered lol while balth looks like he’s gonna fall asleep but freds promised us waffles in the morning she is a goddess okay a goddess

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : who is your favourite flat member?

lol we are just fixing things like hell im gonna answer this

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ i bet its balth tho

what are you saying????

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : fmk – sokka, mako, korra

wow youve totally mixed series here??? but kill mako fuck sokka and marry korra so we can conquer/save the world together

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : fave tv show atm?

ob maybe? but also there are so many oh god idek

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : ob?

orphan black

pls watch it okay every moment of this show murders me and all of the characters are my problematic fave

#except paul #fuck you paul

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : current crush?

none

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : really????????

i have a lot of questions rn what does this refer to

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : so who is the flower crown person and are they the pretty person you mentioned earlier?

i am using my get out of jail free card for this question sorry not sorry goodbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii xo

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : how is university?

p good i mean ive just started a poetry class which is cool

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : does this mean we’re going to be subjected to Awful Poetry Peter like early last year?

oh god never remind me of that time again

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : don’t forget to drink lots of water!!!

will do thx

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : okay so you just don’t believe in magic anymore

nope

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : why not??? [i’m the magic anon]

i am past the point of conspiracy theories okay i was like 15

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : come on i’ve always wanted to hear your thoughts on the fae leaving :(((((

i rrly dn’t care

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : can you tell us about balth?

balthazar jones is flawless. he has two ukuleles and a french horn. i hear his hair is ensured for 10k. i hear he does gigs. in *coffee shops*. his favourite movie is star wars: a new hope. one time he met sheep dog and wolf on a plane and he told him he was pretty. one time he wrote a song for me as a joke. it was awesome.

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : at least tell us your opinion on that elven princess and the legends surrounding her. wasn’t that what you were starting to research last year?

please stop

 

**ama over guysss**

just not in the mood anymore nothing against you i promise some stuff just happened

#probs staying at jaquie’s again tonight and going to the audition in the morning

 

fighting with ppl is not fun my guys, learn from the best and know you just feel like absolute shit after

#i hate that he looked like that bc of what i said #i hate that most of what i said was true

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : who? i will defend your honour

honestly it’s something that’s been building for a while now and i hurt him as much as he hurt me so

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : okay so if he’s a him then it’s ben or balth. balth doesn’t seem like the type to fight you WHAT DID BEN SAY.

ben’s fine he’s just chilling on the couch, he’s innocent

actually it sort of turned into the entire flat which ugh but it was mostly not ben or freddie

 

your questions are all wonderful and i’m touched at your concern but i’m rlly tired now byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee xoxoxo

#or biiii #i probably won’t answer qs in the morning so consider this my answer to all the ones sitting in my inbox

 

-

 

When Peter wakes on Jaquie’s couch for what is probably the tenth time this semester, she is sitting on the coffee table, staring at the mug in her hands.

“Um,” he says, the syllable coming out half a groan.

Jaquie looks up. “Want to talk?” she asks, the question almost accusatory. “Because all I got last night were glares.”

“Oh,” Peter replies, then, swallowing. “Sorry.”

Jaquie sets her cup down. “I hate seeing you like this,” she says, the words biting and vulnerable. “I hate what this does to you.”

“Jaq…”

“I just wish you would actually take my advice,” she continues. “Who was it this time? Freddie, again? Ben?”

Peter shakes his head. “Balthazar.”

She sucks in a breath through her teeth. “It’s everyone, then. Literally  _ no one _ in that flat is on your side.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Peter protests. “I hurt him just as much as he hurt me.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” Jaquie takes a sharp breath, lets it out slowly. “I just… I’m so worried, Peter.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jaquie frowns. “It’s not your fault, Peter. I wish you wouldn’t blame yourself for everything.”

Peter forces a laugh. “There’s so much to blame me for, though.” He means it as a joke, but the words fall flat.

“Not as much as you think,” Jaquie says, still frowning. “Not everything is your fault.”

“I know,” Peter assures her. “Really, Jaq.”

“You’re such an idiot, I swear to god,” she huffs, rolling her eyes, but her frown is fading.

“I’m so glad we’re friends.”

“You should be.” She picks up her mug again. “There’s coffee in the kitchen, if you want it.”

Peter sits, the pounding in his head picking up again. “Thanks.”

Jaquie laughs. “It’s pretty shitty, so don’t thank me just yet.”

“Thanks for being an awesome bro, then?”

“Oh my god,” Jaquie says. “Please don’t ever call me bro again.”

Peter stands, finds that his legs will support him this morning. “But you’re my  _ best bro _ . It’s very clearly a term of affection, Jaquie. I call  _ Balth _ bro.”

“Oh yes,” Jaquie says, deadpan. “The fact that you call your crush bro is very comforting to me.”

Peter glares. “He’s  _ not _ my crush.” Even if he were, it’s not as if Peter would ever have a chance after the events of last night. Fuck.

“Right. Want to tell me what your fight was about?”

He sighs, searching for the words that could describe it. “He… called me out on something. I was being too harsh. I told him he didn’t have any solid opinions on anything, that he’s always running away. He told me that I hurt people without thinking, and we shouted for a while. I don’t know, Jaquie, we were both pretty drunk.”

“Shit, Peter.”

He groans. “I know.”

“ _ Shit _ .”

Peter swallows. “Was he right?”

Jaquie sighs, slides over on the coffee table. “Do you really expect me to answer that question fairly?”

“No.”

“Sit down and I’ll give you a hug, then.”

“Wow,” Peter gasps as he obeys. “A hug from Jaquie Manders? What a rarity. This is the solution to all the worlds problems. This—” He stops as her arms wrap around him, as she pulls him close. He closes his eyes, swallows.

“You’re such an asshole,” she says. “But you’re a good one, okay? I would know. I’m very selective about my assholes.”

Peter snorts. “Did you even hear how that sounded?”

“Yes. Shut up. We’re ignoring it.”

“ _ Sure _ , Jaq.”

“ _ Shut up _ .”

He does, for a moment, just relaxing into her embrace. It’s nice, to be hugged like this. “Jaquie,” he says after a moment. “You’re right about Balth.”

She rubs his back. “I know I am.”

“I really like him.” The words ache to be spoken, as if torn from somewhere deep within him.

“I know.”

“I don’t understand why he always pulls away from me.” That hurts, too, but it’s a different kind of hurt, the sort that stings to poke at, the sort that had fueled the fight last night.

“Maybe he’s just a terrible person who likes to play with your emotions.”

“He’s not, though.” Peter knows he’s not perfect, even when he jokes about it. He knows Balthazar makes mistakes, just as every other human being on earth does. That doesn’t make him a terrible person, though. “He’s one of the nicest people I know.”

“I only have your incredibly biased word to go off,” Jaquie replies.

Peter laughs. “I am really biased. Ugh, look at me, pouring out all my emotions on your shoulder.”

“Well, I  _ am _ a bartender. This is sort of my job.”

He laughs again. “I’m going to ruin my reputation.”

“What reputation? you’re not nearly as cool as the internet thinks you are.”

“Fuck you, I am every bit as cool as the internet thinks I am.”

Jaquie laughs, and he can feel the motion all through his chest. “The internet thinks you are a massive nerd.”

“Lies and slander.”

“Nothing but truth,” she insists. “You are not even as cool as a massive nerd and we all love you.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime, asshole.”

He pulls back, blinking quickly before she sees his face. “You’re the best.”

“I know I am. Are you staying here tonight?”

Peter shakes his head. “No, I’ll head back after the audition.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Freddie texted me last night; we’re having a meeting later this morning.”

Jaquie stands. “We’d best be off, then.”

He follows. “Do I get coffee first?”

“ _ That _ awful stuff? We’ll drop by a coffee shop on our way down.”

“Do I get to dress first, at least? I left some clothes here last time, I think.”

Jaquie sighs, longsuffering, and Peter heads to her room, where he’d stashed his clothes just in case. Once dressed, still bleary and in serious need of more caffeine, they head out.

“So,” Jaquie says. “You know who you’re auditioning for yet?”

Peter shrugs. “I looked up the play, and I’m thinking Mephistopheles? I’m not really stuffed either way though.  You’re still going with Faustus, right?”

Jaquie nods. “I am going to fucking blow Costa McClure away. He’ll have no choice but to cast me.”

“Honestly, I believe you.”

They get coffee at some place Peter recognises as far more corporate than anywhere he and Jaquie usually go to, somehow surviving the lines, and it’s nearing eight when they get to the studio Jaquie’s friend has reserved for auditions.

“You got this,” Jaquie says as they walk in, then drains her coffee. Peter’s pretty sure it was half full a moment ago.

He smiles back at her, and his weariness sits heavily in his bones, but he’s survived worse than this. “Of course I do. You sure that your friend didn’t want us to prepare anything in advance?”

She sighs, looks mournfully at her empty cup. He’d offer her his, but. Coffee. “He wants it to be ‘natural’.”

“He  _ does  _ realise we’re acting?”

“Most likely.”

“Right.” Peter takes another sip of his coffee just as they arrive at the room Jaquie’s friend had claimed for auditions.

There are three people inside already: two look vaguely familiar, and seem to be auditioning together. What they’re doing is somewhat of a mystery. The third must be Costa McClure, and he’s standing in front of them, hands raised and straining as though he’d like to leap out of his skin and become—the air or something. Peter doesn’t know.

“Okay,” he says, as the two others settle out of character—were they ever  _ in  _ character? Is what Peter saw what Jaquie’s friend expected of them?—“Okay, great. That was great.” He turns, then, catches sight of Peter and Jaquie. “Oh! Wonderful, Jaquie and Jaquie’s friend, come on in. Paige and Chelsey, that was amazing. Definitely an audition to consider. Would you be willing to come for a call back on the fourteenth?” Peter realises with a start that the two people are Paige and Chelsey, Balth’s friends. He’d met them last night, when they were still in town, before the fight. Well, it looks like their night ended better than his.

As they work out the details, Peter turns to Jaquie. “Well,” he says.

She shrugs. “Amateur productions, Petey.”

Peter grimaces. It’s not a terrible nickname as far as nicknames go, and better than Pedro by a long run, but still. “Please never call me that again.”

“Fine,” Jaquie says. “But you’ll tell your followers that I am the most amazing friend-slash-fellow-bartender you’ve ever met for getting you an audition with New Zealand’s most brilliant up-and-coming playwright.”

Peter glances at Costa shaking the hands of Paige and Chelsey. “If I get a role, sure.”

“Just as long as I get Faustus.”

“Of course.”

The couple walk over, faces brightening as they apparently recognise him. “Peter!” Paige greets. “It’s good  to see you again. How was the rest of your night?”

Peter nods. “Had fun,” he says. He can see Jaquie looking at him incredulously out of the corner of his eye.

“Balth doing well?” There’s a twist to her brows that suggests it’s not the innocent question of an oblivious acquaintance. She  _ knows _ Balthazar, had seen something in him that night or before. Had Peter missed it? He had exploded last night, as much as that word can ever apply to Stanley Balthazar Jones, and that sort of reaction doesn’t come from nowhere.

Peter considers shrugging it off, considers telling them he isn’t sure Balth is okay and he doesn’t know what to do, considers telling them he’s fine.

“Ah,” Paige says, apparently gleaning something from his expression. “I thought so.”

Peter doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what he could say.

“So,” Jaquie says. “You two hoping to get roles?”

“The angels,” Chelsey answers. She has an air about her, as if she’s the sort of person who climbs to the topmost branches of any tree just to feel the wind in her hair. “I hope we’ll see you much more in the future.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Jaquie replies.

“Well, we’d better get going,” Chelsey sighs. “Paige here has a class in twenty minutes and I’d hoped to buy her a coffee beforehand.”

She and Paige move past them, and there is something almost  _ warm _ about meeting them, despite the not entirely pleasant conversation with Paige. It feels like it should be strange, but it isn’t.

“Okay,” Costa calls. “Well, we’d better get started on your auditions. Which one of you would like to go first?”

Peter shrugs. “Sure, why not.” He steps forward, handing his coffee to Jaquie. “Peter Donaldson, first year.”

Costa shakes his hand vigorously. “Costa McClure, director. Um, here’s the script.” He hands the same book that Paige and Chelsey had been using to Peter. “Any character in mind?”

“Mephistopheles?” Peter says. “I don’t really mind, though, like—”

“No, no, that’s great, okay. There’s a good bit you can do—ah, first post-it, yeah.”

Peter opens to the marked page and skims the lines. “Okay, so, uh, how should I do this?”

“Just—just read.” Costa gestures at the script, the wide movement almost reminiscent of Ben’s energy. “From  _ ‘Why this is hell _ ’ to ‘ _ my fainting soul _ ’.”

“Okay.” Peter clears his throat, squares his shoulders, and does. He doesn’t really process the words, just lets them pass from his eyes to his lips. When he looks up, Costa is frowning.

“Hm.” Costa says. “Okay. What if you, ah, read over the words once more, just sort of put yourself into his place? Seeing if you can, um, connect in any way to what he’s saying.”

Peter really wishes he’d finished his coffee. “Yeah, sure.” He glances at Jaquie, who is definitely finishing his coffee. Traitor. He reads over it once more, feels something deep inside his chest pull. “Why this is hell,” he says, “nor am I out of it. Think’st thou that I who saw the face of God and tasted the eternal joys of Heaven am not tormented with ten thousand hells in being depriv’d of everlasting bliss?” He has to swallow here, just once, throat too dry. The pull grows into an ache, like he can feel the words inside him, like they are a part of them. “O Faustus!” he finishes. “Leave these frivolous demands which strike a terror to my fainting soul!” His voice rises on the last words, he half notices, and he didn’t mean to do it but he thinks it works. He feels a little like he’s shaking.

Costa claps just faster than his heart is beating. “Wonderful,” he says. “Great. Are you free for a callback on the fourteenth?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” he answers.

“Okay, great. Um, Jaquie, would you like to…?”

Jaquie steps forward, swapping the empty coffee cup for the script. “I’m going for Faustus,” she says, and Peter steps away to watch.

He doesn’t watch for long. Costa cuts her off a few lines in, which could be very good or very bad. It doesn’t look great, though, and Peter resolves to buy her a drink later to make up for it.

They say their goodbyes and make their way out of the building, Peter stopping to drop the empty cup in the first bin he finds.

“You did really well,” Jaquie says after a moment, pensive.

“You did, too,” Peter answers, and he’s not just being polite, she  _ did _ , and it’s ridiculous that Costa apparently didn’t appreciate her audition or even give her a second chance like he did him.

Jaquie huffs. “I know,” she says. “But he’s been going on for weeks about the potential homoerotic tension of the play. I knew I didn’t have a chance, really.”

Peter blinks. “He…he does realise that Faustus has a female lover in it, right? Like, beyond homoerotic tension and right into all-out queer territory if he cast you as Faustus?”

She shrugs expansively. “Who knows what he thought. Maybe we should bring it up to him at some point.”

“It’s such bullshit.”

“It is.”

They fall into silence again, companionable. Then Jaquie says. “I saw your face while you were auditioning.”

“Yeah?” Peter remembers how he felt, then, and would really rather not think about it.

“‘Tormented with ten thousand hells,’” she quotes, and Peter’s never been great at memorising but a part of him knows he’s going to look up that particular part as soon as he gets back home. “I know we keep on talking about this, but—”

“I’m fine,” Peter says, and he can taste the lie on his tongue. He loves Jaquie, he really does, but isn’t it his business? It’s his mess and his fault, not hers.

“Peter,” she says flatly. “Come on. We literally just had this conversation this morning.”

“About my flatmates and my love life. Not my personal shit.”

“They directly affect you, though.” She’s scowling at the ground. “Peter, you are probably my best friend in this town. It hurts like hell to see you hurting.”

And here is one more person Peter has caused pain, one more in a long list of fuck-ups. Maybe Balthazar was right, last night.  _ That’s what you do, Pete _ , he’d said, y _ ou hurt _ .

“I’m sorry,” he sighs, the guilt sitting heavy on his tongue.

Jaquie nudges his shoulder. “I’m not asking for an apology. I’m just saying—maybe you should look into seeing someone about it. The ten thousand hells thing.”

“I’ll think about it,” Peter says. He’s seen a therapist before, but only for family counselling, never one on one. “I probably just need to sort out my own head, though. It’ll pass.”

“Well, I’m here for you,” Jaquie says, then glances at her watch. “Hey, what time was your flat meeting?”

“Nine—oh, shit.” Luckily,  they’ve been walking in the vague direction of the flat, so it’s no more than five or ten minutes away, but still. “I’ll see you later, Jaq!” He doesn’t run, but he definitely speedwalks in the direction of the flat. He does not want to risk pissing off Freddie again.

“Take care, loser!” she calls after him. “Think about what I said, yeah?” He doesn’t have the time or breath to reply. He doesn’t know whether he would, even if he did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some long and lengthy deliberation, we have made the executive decision to discontinue this fic beyond what we have already produced for it. It greatly pains us to abandon a universe that we have put so much of our time and ourselves into, but due to a variety of circumstances, both recent and ongoing, we've agreed that this is for the best. The outline for the rest of this fic, along with the other spinoffs we had originally planned, will be posted alongside the next and final update. Our deepest apologies and our greatest thanks to those who have stuck with us for this long. To this day, we continue to be amazed that there are people who are as invested in this verse and these versions of the characters as we are.
> 
> Until next time,  
> \- L+S

janskdasndkasjdnsakdnasdnjksanda

#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

 

Rules schmules. rules are for schmucks

#i’m a schmuck #flat shenans

 

ah well it’s not totally a loss my flatmate saved me from having to deal with Humanity’s Worst Enemy (or at least Peter’s): the almighty spider

#what an inane fucking conversation though #my brain feels like it’s about to bleed out of my eyeballs #flat shenans

 

_emblue asked:_ why are u a schmuck :(((

i’ve done some schmucky things in my time

 

_Anonymous asked:_ like what?

a conversation for another day xoxo

 

so anyway like the long and short of it is that in the process of instating stupid as fuck rules that are supposed to make everything all sunshine and rainbows again (rip me, i hate sunshine and rainbows and everything that is good in the world) apparently we’ve managed to ban all mention of magic from the flat????? which like knowing who my flatmates are ha good fucking luck and also i don’t give a shit

#tbh good fucking riddance #if i never talk about magic ever again it would be far too soon #flat shenans

 

_Anonymous asked:_ but you can still talk about magic on here right ;)

don’t try me bro

 

anyway it's not even noon and i already want to kill everyone and everything so i think this is a good time to go bother jaquie bye peeps

#the perfect partner in crime for homicide #if you don’t think jaquie is lowkey the scariest person i’ve ever met #you’re wrong #actual goddess jaquie

 

_elsajack asked:_ is your only friend jaquie???

yes

 

_canonicallyace asked:_ don’t murder people I don’t want you to go to jail!!

no promises xx

-

when you really want to talk to someone but they probably think you’re mad at them and also you don’t know if you’ve fucked up your friendship beyond the point of no return but the person you would turn to for advice about something like this is also the person you’re supposed to be mad at

*[ everything is terrible gif ](http://i.imgur.com/w5KG9.gif)*

#this sucks #feelings suck #i suck #jk i’m amazing #okay but seriously

 

_am_ i mad at him though?

 

we both said bad things. i can’t tell anymore what i’m supposed to feel bad about

 

_Anonymous asked:_ that sounds rough :/ Hope you can fix things with them soon!

thanks nonny. me too

-

@queenofroses i didn’t know you were in town wtf how did i miss you and more importantly when do i get to see you??????

 

_Queenofroses asked:_ you missing me is your own fault. I’m sure we’ll run into each other sooner or later.

hashtag rude

 

ughhhhhhhhh things in the flat are the worst right now though it’s like we’re collectively trying to break the world record for “most awkward a group of flatmates can be with each other”

#i will accept like 30% of the blame for this situation #flat shenans

 

i feel like there’s some type of etiquette on how to interact with a person you had a massive fight with and i’m also pretty sure i’ve broken every single rule

#i’m not good with rules is what i’m trying to say #honestly why did i let myself agree to flat rules like what the fuck even

 

_burnpineperish asked:_ solid first step might be open and honest communication

that’s a funny joke

#open and honest? Me?? #nah let’s just internalize this shit #much better plan of action

 

_Anonymous asked:_ wait it out, I guess?

now this is a much better idea. i like your style

 

i dunno guys like honestly i just don’t want to make things worse than before and also i want to give people the space they need so like if they want to come to me about things they can but they shouldn’t feel obligated to because the last thing i want to do is pressure anyone into conversations they don’t want to have

#that’s not a bad thing right??? #just don’t want to start shit

 

_canonicallyace asked:_ it’s your choice how you want to deal with this. you do you, we’ve got your back  <3

thanks x

-

GUESS WHO GOT INTO A PLAY MOTHERFUCKERS

#me: a true thespian #marlowe eat my ass

 

_canonicallyace asked:_ congrats!!! What role?

faustus in faustus can i get a hell yeah

#HELL YEAH

 

jaquie is highkey pissed which like i can’t blame her i mean what casting director picks a rando who has no theater experience whatsoever over someone with years of lead roles under her belt????? but thankfully all of her ire is directed at costa and not me

#she’s Scary i’m telling you # we had a bet but i think it’s best if i just #don’t mention it #actual goddess jaquie

 

jaquie: congrats on the role ASSMUNCHER

#actual goddess jaquie #she loves me really #definitely not mentioning that bet now

 

jaquie: i’m happy for you BUT ALSO SUCK MY DICK but also congratulations BUT ALSO PLEASE PUSH COSTA INTO AN ACTIVE VOLCANO FOR ME

#actual goddess jaquie #your wish is my command #but not actually because i don’t want to lose the first theater gig i’ve ever had

 

_elsajack asked:_ surely jaquie got cast too though right?!?!

Yeah uh as helen of troy who has… zero lines in faustus lol costa why are you Like This

#you gave this amazingly talented girl who tried out for the role with the most lines a role with no lines #well fucking done #conversely you could cast me as helen of troy #i’m sure none of us would complain #some might even appreciate the opportunity to see me shut my mouth for like an hour #(ben)

 

_worstdanceever asked:_ jaquie for faustus 2015

me: jaquie the internet thinks you should be faustus instead of me

jaquie: DAMN. FUCKING. RIGHT

#her righteous anger cannot be quelled

 

me: are you okay now

jaquie: yeah yeah i’m fine

me: are you sure

jaquie: totally 100% sure

me: okay

jaquie: anD COSTA MOTHERFUCKER ANOTHER THING

#jaquie he can’t even hear you #he’s not even in this building #he’s probably not even within like a ten mile radius #(probably) #she didn’t actually say motherfucker btw #i am carefully practicing censorship to protect the identities of the people i talk shit about on the internet #actual goddess jaquie #master of magic and marlowe #(my new tag for costa do you like it)

 

_elsajack asked:_ why master of magic???

what you need to know about costa is that he has his own radio show (idk how he made it happen he doesn’t even get income from it) whose literal only purpose is to enable costa to ramble about magic for _two whole hours_ every single week and that’s about all you need to know really

#the guy needs a platform i guess

 

_burnpineperish asked:_ and you’re about to perform a play with this guy. you, self-professed disbeliever of magic.

are you saying i can’t work with people with different beliefs from me that is incredibly presumptuous and rude of you

#jk i know you mean well bro #but still

 

_burnpineperish asked:_ i’m just saying, you are about to spend a LOT of your time listening to pro-magic rhetoric for the next few months of your life

………………………. fuck

-

carefully avoiding all mentions of the play to my flatmates in case they collectively flip their shits

#well balth wouldn’t flip a shit #he’d probably congratulate me like a normal person #but then somehow ben and freddie would hear about it #fred doesn’t trust me as far as she can throw me #she’d probably think i was trying to cook up some sort of scheme to ruin her carefully laid out flat rehabilitation plans #you know one of those ridiculous things only fred could think #ben Would Not Rest until he’d drained every last detail about the way we’re doing marlowe from me #and also criticized every last one of those details to sunday and back #i don’t need more drama in my life #i’m in a play ffs

 

_Anonymous asked:_ seems kind of sad to hide something so cool from people you’re living with :/

eh they’ll live

#it’s not hiding #i just can’t be bothered

 

_Anonymous asked:_ yeah but will you??

that’s a silly question

-

first rehearsal down, ten million more to go

#faustus fuckery #rehearsals so long i want to die #it’s like working out at a gym but worse

 

_elsajack asked:_ ooh how’d it go???

about as well as one would expect with a magic fanatic as the director and a magic skeptic as the lead

#which is to say #not well at all

 

i dunno like it wasn’t terrible i guess, just had to restrain myself from telling my own director to shut the fuck up after the tenth or fifteenth exclamation that “there needs to be more magic!!!”

#faustus fuckery #i signed up for this #i literally signed up for this

 

hey but i do get to hang with some super cool peeps though like you guys know jaquie but there’s also paige and chelsey who are quite possibly the most adorable couple i have ever encountered in my life but like not even in a gross way which is probably the grossest part of all

#they packed each other lunch!!! #who does that!!!!!!!! #and they don’t have pet names #but the way paige says ‘chels’ always feels ridiculously intimate #it would be awkward except it’s weirdly not?? #faustus fuckery #chelsaige #better couple than brangelina tbh #actual living proof that love is real

 

also paige has the most KICKASS music skills, listening to her music feels like floating on a cloud in the middle of the ocean with no one to bother you

#paige the bard #my creativity for these tags can only extend so far

 

_elsajack asked:_ that floating in the middle of the ocean thing sounds kind of scary :(

it’s PEACEFUL

#you cannot tell me you don’t find the idea of no one bothering you the Most Appealing

 

_burnpineperish asked:_ so first impressions of the play?

  1. no escape from the magic but
  2. cool peeps and at least it’s not magic talk from my flatmates



#believe it or not costa is better than pre flat rules freddie on the magic front

 

_elsajack asked:_ how is freddie bad with magic?????

you’re better off not knowing

#trust me

-

so anyway uni still sucks but ben’s stupidity makes up for me having to drag my own stupid ass to history

#it’s entertaining enough on its own #ben a dick

 

today’s episode on “ben is an idiot but we all love him anyway because his antics are oddly endearing”: ben was doing a fantastically hilarious impression of the prof, complete with finger-stache and everything, right when the prof approached him from behind and stared at him disapprovingly as the laughter of the rest of the group died away slowly into mute horror and ben turned around with the most comical look of pure unadulterated terror on his face honestly i wish i’d taken a picture

#i felt like i was in a movie #ben a dick

 

he’s freaking out about failing the class now. i told him if i were the prof i would give him an A just for the finger-stache. this did not seem to help

#ben a dick #it was truly an oscar-worthy performance though #i will maintain this until the day i die

 

okay i’m gonna stop blogging about this like an asshole and go offer some genuine emotional support now, brb

#very occasionally i am not a prick #happens once in a blue moon

 

_canonicallyace asked:_ oh no is he okay? D:

yeah i think now he is, we mostly just said some stuff about grades just being numbers on the page and all that. balth didn’t say much but what he did say calmed ben down a bit so that’s good

#i don’t think i did much #i just apologized for laughing #and i pointed out that one mistake doesn’t mean he’s a fuck up #ha #wonder where i learned that one from

 

anyway balth is off studying (or so he says but tbh i believe him, he is literally the only person i know on this planet who would go off on his own saying he was studying and like actually do it) and ben is gunning for pizza but apparently it has to be a flat wide decision because of the Flat Rules so that’s where we’re at right now

#literal ray of sunshine #ben a dick #my life is a neverending series of incidents that are way more complicated than they need to be

 

_elsajack asked:_ you have a flat rule about making decisions about food????

Not in so many words but we did all promise to be vegetarian (if it sounds silly that that is one of our flat rules that’s because it 100% is) and i don’t think either of us want to eat a vegetarian pizza on our own like sad sacks

 

also thanks to the flat rules i actually have a curfew now which is totally nice and not horrible at all so i can’t even go out and get shitfaced tonight, fantastic

 

_burnpineperish asked:_ do you particularly want to get shitfaced though?

there is never a bad time for getting shitfaced

#maybe it’d be good to cut back though #i do work in a bar i’m literally surrounded by alcohol like 90% of the time #not like i have any shortage of it on a daily basis #eh i’ll think about it

-

what people think being bi is like: cheating left and right, constant threesomes, constant angst about whether you’re actually straight or actually gay

what being bi is actually like: having to pause a movie because you’re overwhelmed by how hot everyone is and need to take a break

#it’s not a great movie #it’s actually super shitty #but like #hot damn #(also it’s directed by joss whedon but don’t tell balth i besmirched his name)

 

_emblue asked:_ lolllllll balth likes joss fucking whedon what a loser

it’s not one of his better qualities

#again not a word to him #he wouldn’t kill me but he would probably be v sad and that would make me kinda sad

 

freds just walked in and asked me what i’m doing and i said “watching a shitty movie” and she said “oh can i join” so i guess we’re doing this

#apparently shitty movies are her thing? #king freddie

 

freddie has the best running commentary though

#freds! you’ve been holding out on me!! #king freddie

 

f: all offense intended but the villain of this movie is made up of every wet dream a straight man has ever had about what a good villain should be and that’s why he’s garbage

#i mean… i can’t dispute that #king freddie

 

f: she’s literally the most competent character in the whole movie and she has to get saved when like no one is even guarding her??? this causes me personal offense. i feel actual physical pain

me: could you break out of that cell freds

f: LITERALLY ANYONE COULD BREAK OUT OF THAT CUBE OF BULLSHIT

#she said it so loudly i don’t really have a choice but to believe her #spit was flying #windows were breaking #king freddie

 

f: i’m sorry i literally. i like. i can’t even say anything right now because i’m so mad.

me: it’s okay freddie just take a deep breath

f: i could probably wipe all these assholes out in my sleep

#actually knowing what she does irl she very well could #king freddie

 

f: THAT DEATH WASN’T EVEN NECESSARY YOU DOUCHEWIPES

f: *pulls off own sock and throws at computer screen*

 

freddie had to leave early because she didn’t think she was “emotionally prepared enough to sit through that shitstain of an ending” but i forgive her because that was still one of the best nights of my life

#i need more of freddie ripping shitty blockbusters apart in my life #king freddie

-

paige and chelsey actually made lunch for me today, it came in this cute little sack with sharpied doodles all over and it had this note inside that said “break a leg peter! :)” and apparently they made it TOGETHER and i never thought i would be in a position where i’d be jealous of a couple because ew gross couples but also wtf that’s overwhelmingly adorable????????????

#chelsaige #power couple honestly

 

they also made one for jaquie but she still stole some of my chips because she’s a bastard

#they packed me those chips with LOVE jaquie #how could you #actual goddess jaquie

 

lunch with theater people is the best, so many pop culture references and dick jokes

#okay granted mostly from me and jaquie #the dick jokes i mean #but this crew accepts me for who i am #faustus fuckery

 

not that i really want to be in a monogamous relationship rn but also chelsaige are #relationshipgoals

#like hot damn #they showed me a picture of the garden they cultivated together #they have a GARDEN #AND A CAT #???????!?!?!??!?!?!!?!

 

_emblue asked:_ omg when are paige and chelsey going to get married?!?!?!?!

i don’t know but i want to be the flower girl

#jaquie can be the best man

 

they already have their flippin wedding dresses picked out i give up

#jaquie said it’s okay because we’re hot and single and ready to mingle #like yeah sure i’m ready to mingle buT DO I HAVE A PINTEREST BOARD JUST FOR MY WEDDING PLANNING #do i want one now???? Maybe????????????

 

being single is gr8 but also i wouldn’t mind having a person who would hold my hand every once in a while

#an asshole can dream

-

life is surprisingly not that shitty when i can’t go out to get hammered

#well i do drink still #sometimes i go over to jaquie’s #she and her roommates have built up quite the stash #and i’ve still got plenty of alcohol at home #but like my point is spending all my nights in the flat isn’t like Horrible

 

_burnpineperish asked:_ oh? what makes it not horrible?

i mean chilling with the ‘mates isn’t bad, like tonight we’re playing board games and it’s p fun

#i am wrecking people’s shit in sorry

 

we’ve switched to poker and for all her skittishness freddie KILLS at this game holy shit

#i’m so fucking glad we’re betting in chores and not actual money #as it is i’m pretty sure at this point she’s won like a month of not having to do chores #king freddie

 

it’s not even that she has that great of a poker face i think the rest of us are just spectacularly bad

#i mean there’s balth #who gives people the benefit of the doubt too often #there’s me #who bets too recklessly #and then there’s ben #who… speaks for himself i think #flat shenans

 

charades now, we’ve split into teams and ben has like the worst giraffe impression

#’you know if birds were in the mix i would have this in the damn bag!’ #right okay #i’m just glad we’re not on the same team #flat shenans

 

conversely balth just made like one hand gesture and i knew he was referencing star wars a new hope

#DRIFT COMPATIBLE #we make the best team tbqh #literal ray of sunshine

 

balth and i have won ten rounds in a row so freddie is making us switch to even it out

#i’m with ben now #we’ll see how THIS goes #yikes #flat shenans

 

frankly i just think anyone who’s on ben’s team for this game is doomed to fail

#ben a dick #sorry ben you are so bad at animals

 

well we did get a point for flamingoes

#honestly so predictable???

 

for the shits and giggles we’re switching up the teams one last time so now i’m with freddie and we’re about to tear up the competition

#we’ve fucking got this #i believe in you freds #king freddie

 

actually i changed my mind anyone who’s on balth’s team for this game is fated to win

#goddamn these two are on fire #i maintain balth and i made the best match up though

 

freddie and i aren’t doing so bad ourselves, she managed to guess harry potter from my very obscure hand gestures

#i was trying to mime wand waving #it worked okay don’t look at me #freddie like screamed the answer at me and ben was like WHAT THE EFF WAS THAT (at my hand gestures) #yeah your guess is as good as mine tbh #the flat has unanimously agreed that referencing harry potter doesn’t count as magic talk #very magnanimous of us

 

_emblue asked:_ ooh ooh what houses would you sort you and your flatmates into?!?!??!

balth and ben are having a particularly intense round right now so i have time to answer this question. hmmmm let’s see

balth is a hufflepuff like there’s just no question in my mind about it like super loyal and hardworking and always making sure his friends are okay????? hufflepuff

freddie is almost as much of a shoe-in for slytherin as balth is for hufflepuff i mean like the woman is On a Mission 24/7 and i don’t know what that mission is 90% of the time but by god she’s going to get it done

ben... is a bit tougher but i think i’d put him in ravenclaw because while he’s not the most studious (that’s not even necessarily a ravenclaw quality though imo) he is really curious about things that most people aren’t but like that’s totally cool because he asks questions people don’t usually and also finds unusual answers to those questions too

and i am the most hardcore of gryffindors, hear me roar

#flat shenans #okay gotta jump back into the fray #but this was a fun question #freddie: WHY ARE YOU ON YOUR GODDAMN PHONE WE HAVE TO WIN!!!!!! #me: will put phone away for the rest of this game holy shitballs #(we’re not even keeping points anymore) #(but i don’t want to point this out in case she bites my hand off) #(ok she’s hardcore glaring at me like she’s thinking about setting me on fire bye)

 

welp we’re calling it a night but this was. this was good. this was good times

#flat TEAM #should i change the flat shenans tag? hm

-

balth invited me to a gig oh my god guys i’m so excited it’s been AGES

#literal ray of sunshine #if music could cure disease his music would cure cancer

 

apparently paige and @queenofroses are both in on it too i’m PUMPED

#paige the bard #queenofroses #MATCH UP OF MY DREAMS #FUCKING DREAM TEAM #I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING #IS THIS THE REAL LIFE #OR IS THIS JUST FANTASY #BOTH?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

_Queenofroses asked:_ don’t get your hopes up, mullet boy.

i will definitely be getting every single one of my hopes up and also f you just Let It Die

 

also i’ve been enlisted to help out with another song at some point which lol i don’t know how that’s going to work but wish me luck??

#i’m adding a shitton to my fine arts resume this semester apparently

 

it's the best feeling when you finally feel like you're fixing things with the people you care about

#he seemed happy #it was… nice to see #things are looking up #they really are

-

so i’ve been trying to get balth to give me a sneak peak of the song we’re going to work on and he Won’t Budge

#just let me have this bro #literal ray of sunshine

 

**a dramatic reenactment of what just transpired**

me: come on just one snippet??

b: haha but why

me: i like to know what i’m putting my money into

b: but you’re not putting your money into this

b: like do you want to put money into this though because like i certainly wouldn’t complain

me: JUST LET ME HEAR YOUR SONG BALTHY

b: i dunno man like. it’s not, like, great? they’re just words

me: THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL WORDS BALTH LET ME HEAR THEM

b: haha you hear my words all the time?

me: SO?????

#BALTHAZAR JUST LET ME LIVE #this is actually a transcript of our texts #i just wanted to make this post sound cool #literal ray of sunshine

 

b: okay I’ll give you some words

b: ready?

me: !!!!!!!

b: vegetable banana ice cream tennis tulips loooooofah

b: see? words :)

#i cannot #i literally cannot #this is what i have to live with #i literally live with this little shit #literal ray of sunshine

 

mission unsuccessful :( he kept on spouting bullshit like “nah man haha you’ll hear it eventually no worries” and it’s like WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH INSTANT GRATIFICATION

#literal ray of sunshine #absolutely nothing!!

 

i will grudgingly concede defeat but balthazar mark my words, you have won the battle but not the war

#lol i don’t really know what i’m talking about anymore i’m so tired #uni is Rough #literal ray of sunshine

-

at the Coffee Shop of Dreams and Wishes, finally got the coffee by the barista like half of my flatmates have been raving about, hashtag worth

#kit and his magic hands #that sounds really bad #oh well

 

i never knew baristas could be so fucking chill, like this guy just accidentally knocked a drink off the counter, caught it with NINJA LIKE REFLEXES, placed it back on the counter without spilling a drop, and carried on his merry fucking way like??? Skills????????

#kit and his magic hands #teach me your ways jedi master #i would also like to be one with the force

 

“yeah man i dunno i figure humans spend so much time thinking about things that statistically are just probably not going to happen, they forget about all that’s happening around them in the moment, you know? right shame if you ask me. so much going on, on this planet of ours. you take sugar with your coffee, friend?”

like honestly… who is this guy

#kit and his magic hands #this is a direct quote #more or less anyway

 

freddie is. like. surprisingly chill right now? fucking unprecedented

#my current theory she doesn’t want to scare away the barista #they seem p tight #king freddie

 

ben conversely is not chill but like when is he ever

#he’s like bouncing up and down in excitement #it’s kind of adorable actually #ben a dick

 

ben: so when are our friends going to be playing????????? i’m so excited!!!

kit: soon enough i think?

freddie: HYPE HYPE HYPE HYPE

#FLAT TEAMMMMMMMMM #we started fist pumping at some point #might be embarrassing but also no shits given

 

all right first act is… some white guy with a guitar

#i mean to be fair #balth is also a white guy with a guitar #but he’s like #The white guy with a guitar #no one else in this joint can live up to him

 

oh my god he’s doing spoken word to strummed major chords

#oh my fuck

 

oh my god it is _fucking terrible spoken word_

#it’s like all about this girl who’s spurned him or what the fuck ever #and how she doesn’t deserve him but also how he wants her to come back??? #jesus dude let people live their lives #this is kind of gross frankly

 

theoretically i know this is not a competition but also balth is Better Than All of You

#him and paige and rosa

 

aaaaaaand he just waxed poetic about stalking her facebook for a month congrats dude you’ve won the award for creep of the year

#joking because sadly i’m pretty sure this is not the creepiest a person will be this year

 

thank fuck this guy’s finally done, next up is a girl on a piano, i’m rooting for her to be better than this schmuck

#in all fairness it is really not that high of a bar #i feel like i lost a year or two off my life

 

okay this girl is genuinely good so i’m gonna stop being a dick and put my phone away

#balth and paige and rosa are performing next i’m p sure! #i’m v pumped

-

so anyway paige and balth and rosa put on THE BEST GIG IN THE HISTORY OF COFFEE SHOP GIGS, i told my flatmates about the play and the world didn’t end, and i got to drink fucking amazing coffee made by a person who is apparently the mutual friend of balth, freddie, paige, AND chelsey so yeah i’d say tonight was a good night

#tonight’s gonna be a good night #tonight’s gonna be a GOOD niiight #TONIGHT’S gonna be a GOOD GOOD NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

 

_canonicallyace asked:_ i’m glad things are looking up for you peter!!!!

yeah. me too :)

-

Peter hasn’t called home in ages, and he can blame that on a busy uni schedule all he wants but admittedly he knows that part of it is that he just doesn’t want to. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to his family. It’s that for the first time in his life, he doesn’t really have to. And that’s perfectly fine by him.

He wonders if this is one of the things that makes him a bad son or a bad brother or a bad person in general. He wonders if it really matters, either way. If it did, it would just be yet another thing he could add onto a very long list.

Still, there is a small part inside him that feels guilty for being so reticent, particularly now that things are actually going well enough that he wouldn’t feel the need to lie if his parents asked him how things are going. He knows his parents aren’t the kind of people who’d pressure him into calling them or anything, but he can’t imagine they’re totally keen on Peter just buggering off to uni without a second word, either. And what would he have to lose, anyway? He can’t tell them anything that’s worse than some of the things he’s done before. So one afternoon, he steels himself and presses the number for home on his phone.

It rings twice before someone picks up.

“Hello?”

“John?” Peter says. “Oh, John – Hi.”

“What do you want, Peter?”

Peter tries not to feel too hurt at that. To be fair, it doesn’t sound like John said it with any real malice. “Are mum and dad there?”

“Not currently.” A pause. “Just me.”

“Oh.”

Peter shifts around in his seat for a moment, casting about for something more to say. Nothing comes to mind.

“Well, if you’re not going to say anything, I’ll just – “

“No, wait,” Peter says. He doesn’t know why it suddenly seems important not to let John go, just yet; it just does. “I just – wanted to call home. Check up on everyone, see how you’re doing.”

“Okay.” John sighs. “I’m okay, I guess. Er – how’s uni?”

This is awkward, painfully so. So awkward Peter can almost feel it like an ache in his chest. Part of him wants to get out, just get out of this conversation as soon as possible. That would be the easy way out, wouldn’t it? But he’s taken the easy way out so many times before, and what did that get him? What did that get the people he was supposed to care about?

“It’s cool.” Peter clears his throat. “Met a lot of people, went to a lot of parties. It’s chill.”

“I see.”

“You know, you could come down and visit sometime,” Peter says. “I know people and parties are totally your thing.”

“For some reason, I think I’ll pass.” John’s voice is dry, which means he’s trying to joke. Peter counts that as progress, in some way.

Peter shrugs. It takes a second for him to remember the gesture is pointless.

“Still, I do miss you,” he says. “You and mum and dad.”

“Right.” Another pause. “Um. Me, too, I guess.”

Peter winces. “Yeah.”

For a long few seconds, no one speaks. Peter can’t think of anything to say, though certainly enough has happened these last few weeks it’s not like he has any shortage of stories to tell. He just doesn’t know if it would be appropriate to bring them up with John. He wants to be careful with John, he supposes, after everything. He wants to be careful, and he wants to be good. Be better. He’s not sure if he knows how.

In the end, though, it’s John who breaks the silence.

“I’m seeing a new therapist,” he says.

“Ah,” Peter says.

“I like him better than the last.” John laughs quietly, as if to himself. “As much as you can like therapists, anyway.”

“How – “ Peter breaks off. Takes a deep breath, starts over. “How’s that, then?”

“I dunno. He’s not as pitying, I guess. He holds me accountable. But he also says things that actually help. Things that help me see things from a different perspective. I guess that’s what good therapy’s supposed to do.”

“Cool,” Peter says, for lack of anything better to say.

“Yeah.”

“I’m – I’m glad you think it’s helping.”

“Yeah, well. I’m not, like, happy, I think, but. I’m doing better.”

“I’m glad,” Peter says again, honestly.

“Mm.” There’s a bit of noise over the line, as if John is shifting in place. “And what about you? Are you happy?”

It’s a harder question to think of an answer to than Peter expected. He knew if he called home to his family, questions like this were inevitable. But he’d prepared for a question like “How are things?” Or, “Are you doing okay?” Which, come to think of it, are entirely different.

What is happiness, anyway? How does one quantify that? Is it a feeling, or is it a state of being, or both, or neither? Is he allowed to claim the word for himself when he’s not sure he feels it all the time? Is he allowed to claim it when he’s not really sure what it is?

Is it possible to be doing better, and not be happy at the same time?

Does he _have_ to be better to be happy?

If he feels happy now, is he fine just the way he is?

Does he deserve to feel happy?

“You’re thinking too much,” John says.

Peter snorts, at least in part to cover up how much John’s words startled him. “Yeah, that’s nothing new.”

“It’s just a question, Peter,” John says.

“Maybe I just want to give it the answer it deserves,” Peter says.

“Does that really matter, though?”

Peter frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I mean – how do you judge if something _deserves_ something? Seems rather pointless, if you ask me. You’re either happy, or you’re not. Easy as that.”

It’s such a John thing to say something in Peter’s heart twinges, a little.

“Then yeah,” Peter says. “Yeah, I reckon I am. For the moment, anyway.”

“Still counts, I’d say,” John says.

Peter can’t help but smile at that. He can’t think of anything else to say, though, and he’s just about to come up with an excuse to say good bye when John says, abruptly, “Is there a reason for it?”

Peter blinks. “Hm?”

“The happiness,” John says. He sounds uncharacteristically uncertain now. Peter wonders why that might be. Wonders if it matters.

There are plenty of reasons he could cite, he thinks. The play, which for all of its frustrations is sometimes one of the best parts of his day. His friends and flatmates, all strange and likeable in their own myriad ways. This new and fragile peace with Balthazar, as familiar as it is not, yet still real, and hopeful.

“Does there have to be?” Peter says.

John is silent, for a long moment. Peter can’t imagine the things that he is thinking. He used to think that was the problem between them, that he couldn’t begin to guess what was on John’s mind. Now, though, he’s beginning to feel like maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe it was that he tried to guess in the first place.

“I should go now,” John says, finally.

“Yeah,” Peter says. “It was good to talk to you, John.”

“You, too,” John says. He sounds like he means it. Peter supposes that’s the best anyone could ever hope for.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Crystal. Happy birthday to you from the rest of the SS! We love you very much <3

guys….what if instead of the return of Awful Poetry Peter we had the appearance of Good Poetry Peter....what a concept….what a thought….

#i want a good grade on this assignment #help a bro out

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : are you going to try rhyme again because last time was a disaster

will it get me a better mark?

#you underestimate how determined i am to do this my guy

 

what if i enlisted balthazar to help me?

#that feels a little like cheating tho #actually fuck it i’m a uni student in need of a grade who cares #i’ll ask him after we do this song probably #one project at a time #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : “#one project at a time” that’s totally how you do things right????

haha ha yes i am a totally responsible student that takes deadlines into account. procrastination??? what procrastination??? what are you talking about????

#i may not apply these principles in my own life #but balth deserves to be less stressed #he’s been really worn thin lately

 

_ elsajack asked _ : what’s the assignment???

“Students must write and submit a poem between eight and ten lines concerning something in their life that inspires depth of feeling. Any styling (including freeform) is permitted. Refer to criteria sheet for further details.”

#wtf is ‘depth of feeling’ supposed to mean tho #what sort of vague-ass shit

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : good luck!!

thanks dude

-

do you ever just get caught in an absolutely terrible show and you know it’s bad but you just can’t stop watching it

#save me #where is freddie when i need her #she would make this better

 

white straight male protagonist: *technically dies but is fine*

almost every minority on the show: *is killed or written off within three seasons*

#there is a part of me that wants to say it was better before i was aware of things #but also no #i may have enjoyed more shows #but i was young and naïve #and hating things is more fun

 

saved by my need to go grocery shopping

#i keep on staring at the meat section #god i miss hamburgers #i would straight up murder someone for a hamburger in this moment

 

_ burnpineperish asked _ : what show?

haha i would tell you but then i would get angry anons probably and no one wants that

#also i would like to erase this experience from my brain

 

i may be deprived of hamburgers but at least i don’t have to drink the awful milk substitutes that balth likes

#i stay away from ‘milk’ on vegan fridays

 

_ elsajack asked:  _ is balthazar vegan??

it is one of his greater faults

#literal ray of sunshine

-

_ Anonymous asked _ : you haven’t blogged about work in a while. how’s it going?

as well as work can go

#jokes i love my job #except for the puke #jaquie doesn’t let me blog at work though #apparently it’s ‘unprofessional’

 

jaquie says i’m “sullying her good name” and she’d like me to formally and publicly apologise

#how about i don’t and say i did  #actually no #i value my life #i’m sorry jaquie #you are the best person #even when you tease me about my poetry #actual goddess jaquie

 

_ worstdanceever asked:  _ she teases you about poetry? nice

excuse me??? what is this betrayal??? why are you taking her side??????? i thought you loved me

#i am abandoned even by my followers #this is not a surprise

 

jaquie would like me to add that she teases me about  _ everything _

#gdi jaq just get your own tumblr #all of my followers are already your devoted fans

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : what else does she tease you about???? is it a crush?

my only crush is the eternally gorgeous leonardo dicaprio

-

round two of attempting to convince balth to show me a song before he wants to has failed

#‘you’ll hear it when you hear it pete’ #but balth i want to hear it /now/ #literal ray of sunshine

me: please? pretty please? with a cherry on top?

balth: haven’t you heard of delayed gratification?

#please balth my ears have been deprived of your music for too long #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ burnpineperish asked:  _ didn’t you just hear one of his songs just recently?

okay yes, but also consider: a minute without his music is too long

#last year there was like an entire month that i had to endure without his music #i had a recording of one of his songs and that was it #i must have listened to it a hundred times by the time he came back #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ worstdanceever asked:  _ dude you’ve got it bad

you haven’t heard his music

-

ben’s nearly finished the poetry assignment and all i have is my blog my self pity and my salt

#he doesnt even like this class #wtf #ben a dick

 

on the bright side, balth says the song is p much ready

#we’ll probably do it some time this afternoon #and i will again be blessed with the angelic tones of his singing #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ elsajack asked _ : Do you know what the song is about??????

no idea my bro

#but i know it’s gonna be sick #since its balth and all

 

i heard him playing some of it as i walked past his room just now and i do not think i am worthy

#i’m just??? #how #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : oh my god just date him already

this rests on a lot of factors that are not all stacked in my favour

#such as #his feelings for me #both our feelings toward dating in general rn #the current environment of the flat #literal ray of sunshine #edit: its been pointed out i should add my own feelings to this list #which is a rather important aspect as well

-

should i work on the 3k word essay due in two days or ask balth how the song is doing?

#answer: not the essay #don’t use me as an example pls #i am a terrible student #but this is more important in this instance #literal ray on sunshine

-

_ elsajack asked _ : did you listen to the song??? how is it????

literally the best thing that i have ever heard, i think it was placed in my ears by an angel

#that angel being balth  #literal ray of sunshine

 

_ emblue asked _ : was it a love song ;))))

why would it be a love song?

#that’s just wishful thinking lol

 

_ emblue asked _ : ;)

what am i meant to do with this

#???

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : how was the song!! i bet it was super cool xD

yeah, you could say that

 

_ canonicallyace asked:  _ what was it about?

staying??? us?

#the song is called stay lol #i’m not sure i completely understood what it was about though #idk man

 

_ elsajack asked _ : i hope the song went well

the song was amazing

 

_ emblue asked:  _ if ur not sure u understand why dont u ask him to explain it?

idk man, i think this was something i was supposed to understand on my own

#in which case i fucked up #but hey what else is new

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : i’m sure you didn’t mess up too badly!!

thx bro

-

what’s the protocol for getting in contact with someone after a not-fight?

#i’ve texted them but they haven’t answered in the last hour #do i shamelessly text again?? #call them??? #would they even answer? #help a bro out

 

_ burnpineperish asked _ : who are you fighting with? and maybe call them?

not-fighting. and i tried to call them but they didn’t answer so???

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : maybe ask a irl friend?

calling jaquie is always the best plan

edit: called jaquie and she mostly sighed at me

#pls jaquie have some pity

 

i’ve decided to read webcomics as a distraction and dude. the epic adventures of tj and amal. why are more people not reading this.

#it’s a roadtrip #with gorgeous art #and queer af #tj and amal #i need more quality queer content in my life

 

_ emblue asked _ : oh my god you read tj and amal??? it’s so good!!

these boys are my life and reason to live now

 

freddie: what are you reading?

me: …a thing?

freddie: a magic thing?

me: a queer thing

freddie: …oh

#freddie pls #i’m not trying to break the rules at every turn #king freddie

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ IS SHE BEING HOMOPHOBIC ILL FIGHT HER

lol no. freddie is many things but homophobic is not one of them.

 

a conversation i didn’t really think i’d ever have: reccing freds good queer content to read in the upcoming holidays

#i guess she needs something to go along with the terrible movies #king freddie

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : not during the semester? sounds like she’s a better student than you

this is 100% true freddie is the Best Student ™

#she has a schedule for homework taped to the wall above her desk #and she actually follows it!! #her handwriting is also the best i have ever seen wtf #king freddie

 

ugh i should work on my assignment

#i hate it #the entire thing is going to be pure bullshit #but freds is nagging me about it

-

i’ve decided i’m just going to sit up and wait for them to get home

#this is a good plan right #they don’t have all night recorded on the calendar so they’ll be back at some point #even if its at like three in the morning

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : home?? calendar??? is it a flatmate?????????

yes, but privacy would be appreciated plsthx

 

_ elsajack asked _ : ama while you wait up??

nahh not rlly feeling up to that tonight

-

fuck

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : are you alright???

not really

 

_ burnpineperish asked _ : what happened?

i fucked up

 

_ elsajack asked _ : was it the person you were waiting for??? did you fight with them?????

worse

#fucking shit fuck

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : do you want to talk about it?

basically i misread a lot of signs and came on to someone i care about and it went south and he probably hates me now but hey at least he can’t hate me as much as i hate myself

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : can i fight him

shit no he doesn’t deserve to be fought, it was my fault anyway

 

_ emblue asked _ : are you okay? who was it?

no and no

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : who was it????

a person

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : oh my god you do have a crush! who??????

a friend

 

_ Anonymous asked:  _ oh my god who did you confess to??? was it balthazar????

fuck okay yes it was balthazar

yes i am stupidly in love with balthazar and have been for months and yes i just  fucked up things between us for the millionth time and yes the look on his face broke my fucking heart thanks for bringing that up

#i’m sorry #shit why do you guys even follow me i’m such a piece of shit

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : why do you always blame yourself when something happens? whenever shit goes down, your instant reaction is ‘i fucked up’

idk nonnie, i think that’s just who i am. peter donaldson, the constant fuck-up.

#i mean just look at the events of last year #that’s all the proof you need

 

_ Anonymous asked _ : if he  doesn’t want you then fuck him

it’s complicated

 

_ worstdanceever asked _ : not even going to make an innuendo at that last anon?

not even remotely in the mood for innuendos rn

#i need a drink #or ten #i can’t even stay at jaquie’s fuck this curfew

 

well i do have an assignment due monday so i guess i’m just going to have to. suck it up or something.

#i didn’t even ask balth about help with the poetry #god fucking damnit

 

_ canonicallyace asked _ : i don’t know if this will help but please just know that we all love you <3

Thanks.

#i’m going to get off tumblr now #i appreciate all the messages but i should get stuck into this #have a good night guys

  
-  
  


In a short break between scenes at practice, everyone breathing a little heavily, the overhead fans not quite working hard enough, Paige hands Peter a water bottle and asks, “Do you want to come over to ours after this? I’ve got something I want to show you.”

“Uh, sure,” Peter says, gulping down the water. “Should I be worried?”

When Paige grins, it’s bright and dangerous and not entirely reassuring. “About Chels and I? Never.”

“I want to say I believe you,” Peter says. “But…”

“Wow,” Paige gasps. “I’m hurt.  _ Hurt _ . What happened to us being good and sweet and lovely?”

Chelsey and Paige honestly are the sweetest and loveliest people Peter has ever met, with the possible exceptions of Hero and Balthazar. But he doesn’t speak to Hero much anymore and Balth hasn’t done more than look at him sadly in the past two weeks, so he’s not sure how they factor in.

Paige must notice a change in his expression; her face softens, and she turns to face him fully. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know,” she says.

Peter looks down at the floor, swallows. “Yeah--thanks.”

“I mean it,” Paige adds. “Really. I know it’s been hard for you lately.”

He wants to ask her how she knows, whether he’s just that obvious or she’s as ridiculously perceptive as she seems at times. Instead, he says, “I’m fine.”

Paige opens her mouth to say something else--maybe to contradict him, or maybe to agree; she’s unpredictable as fuck sometimes--but that’s the moment Costa calls them back to practice, and there’s really no time for chatting then.

It’s not until the end of practice that she approaches him again, Chelsey by her side.

“Hey,” Chelsey says. “Paige told me you might be coming over?”

Peter nods, wondering absentmindedly how she manages to look as unruffled as ever after a practice like that. There were  _ dance routines _ . He finally catches his breath. “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

Chelsey giggles. “We invited you, silly boy.”

Jaquie passes him, patting his shoulder as she adjusts her bag. “Coming to mine later?” she asks him. “We could lie about you picking up an extra shift.”

Peter considers it for a moment, then shakes his head, grimacing. As much fun as getting smashed with her sounds, he wouldn’t put it past his other flatmates to find out somehow. He wouldn’t be great company, anyway--he’d just get sad and sob into her shoulder about Balthazar and the flat and his own failures, just like he always does. He doesn’t know why she puts up with him sometimes.

“I should do some homework tonight,” he shrugs, even though all he has is one worksheet due in three days and the ever-looming threat of upcoming assignments.

“Let me know if you change your mind,” she replies as she heads out, with the same soft tone that Paige had used earlier, and he hates and loves it all at the same time. Peter nods.

“See you,” Paige smiles, and Jaquie waves. The musician faces Peter again. “You ready to  head?”

“Sure.”

“Great!” Paige turns to her girlfriend. “Do we need to stop at the store on our way?”

Chelsey shrugs. “We have cat food and we can survive off the garden for a few more days.”

“All right then, let’s go.”

Peter follows the two of them out the door, listening to them chat quietly as they walk toward their house. About halfway there, Paige pauses.

“You don’t hate music, do you?” she asks.

Peter frowns, bemused. “No?” He thinks of Balthazar’s music, of  _ Sigh Not So _ and  _ Ode _ and  _ New Beginnings.  _ He thinks of  _ Stay _ , and the aftermath.

“I just thought I’d make sure. I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say I’d  _ stop _ being your friend if you did-- we’re still friends with Balth and he’s a dog person, after all--”

“He’s not,” Peter interrupts, wishing he could have stopped himself a moment later. At Paige and Chelsey’s looks, he continues. “He doesn’t have a preference; he just says he’s a dog person because he thinks he has to choose.”

For a long moment, neither girls says anything, then Chelsey looks at Paige and sighs. “That does make sense,” she murmurs, the words all too sad for such an innocuous sentence. They know something about Balth that Peter doesn’t, maybe even whatever it is that’s been causing him to act so  _ off _ lately, whatever it is that’s making him so sad. He wants to ask about it, doesn’t.

It’s not like he has the right, not after fucking up the way he did. Not after driving Balthazar away.

He can understand some of it, anyway; he sees the way Balthazar always seems caught between pleasing everyone and being himself, always trying to fit, tearing himself apart with the effort. He never sees that he fits perfectly into Peter’s life--into all of their lives-- just the way he is.

“Well,” Paige says eventually. “Most things work themselves out in the end. Not necessarily in the way you think they will, and certainly not without a little pushing along, but they do.”

He’s not sure he understands, but Peter appreciates the sentiment. He nods. Finally, they arrive at the girls’ place, and a cat greets them the moment Chelsey unlocks the door.

“Hello darling,” she says, scratching behind the cat’s ears. She purrs warmly.

“Daisy prefers Chelsey,” Paige informs Peter as they head inside. “Even though she’s mine, maybe because she’s mine.”

He’s pretty sure that’s not how animal affection works, but it’s not his cat in question here. He follows Paige to their cozy loungeroom, where she retrieves a guitar from an array of instruments.

“Great place you’ve got,” he says at last.

Paige grins. “It’s small, but it’s got what we need. You should see the garden. In fact, I think we’ll do this outside,” she decides.

When they go out the back door, Chelsey still holding Daisy, Peter sees what she means. He thinks, if he still believed in magic, this is what he’d say it was.

Something about the garden seems to radiate peace--somewhere in the languid sway of the branches, the way the light filters through the leaves, the obvious love Paige and Chelsey have poured into the place. He swallows, then blinks, breathes it all in.

“Wow,” he gasps, and that’s all he can bring himself to say.

Chelsey slips off her shoes and buries her toes in the soft grass. It seems to welcome her, almost, like an old friend returning home. She smiles. “It’s our special project,” she explains. “We’ve been working on it since we moved in. At this point, it’s almost our baby.”

“And then we’ll leave it to grow long after we’re gone,” Paige says, and the smile she and Chelsey share is secret and sad. “Memories and legacy.”

“It’s gorgeous,” Peter manages, and Paige turns her smile to him.

She sits down and gestures for Peter to follow, settling the guitar on her lap. “So,” she starts. “I wrote you a song.”

“Oh,” Peter replies, and, wow, he’s really enjoying the use of monosyllabic explanations today, isn’t he? “Um. Thanks.”

Paige strums lightly. “I know you said you’re fine, but I thought you’d appreciate it anyway. Everyone deserves songs to make them feel better.”

If Peter’s being totally honest with himself, he’s not fine; he hasn’t been fine for a long time. And yes, in some ways, this year has been better than any in terms of self-discovery and freedom, but in others-- in his own mind and the way he’s handled things in the flat and with Balthazar and probably with so many other things--he’s just made one mistake after another. This, here, a girl he hardly knows writing him a song because she thinks it may make him feel better, is probably the best thing that’s happened to him in a month, maybe longer.

Paige nods at him, then starts playing.

“ _ Please keep those old memories of us _ ,” she sings, and the words seem to settle into Peter’s bones.

The song seems to wrap itself around him, as peaceful as the garden, and his throat grows thick and heavy.

“ _ I wish you would understand _ ,” Paige continues, and it’s as if she’s reached into his chest and scooped out all that he feels to put into this song. “ _ This love thing’s not so easy _ .”

Peter blinks, breathes deeply. Chelsey meets his eyes, smiles softly. She walks over quietly, not interrupting Paige’s playing, and deposits the cat in his lap. He buries his fingers into her soft fur, breathes again.

“ _ And I got lost along the way, I'm sorry babe.” _

Peter can’t meet Paige’s eyes as she plays, vision too blurred to do so successfully anyway. He doesn’t remember the last time he cried, really cried, and he thinks that if she looks at him the way she has been all day, he might. The song seems to curl around his lungs, soft and comforting even in the pressure, like all the hugs he’s ached for all his life. He breathes again, shaky.

Paige finishes the song with one final, “ _ this love thing’s not so easy _ ,” but the atmosphere stays. Peter wants to keep the song close to his chest until the end of time; he wants to play it from every rooftop in the world that everyone can feel what he’s feeling in this moment. Maybe he should ask her if he can record it later, post it online.

When Peter lifts a hand to his face, his cheeks are wet.

“We have handkerchiefs inside,” Chelsey says. “I’ll go get one.” She walks away, leaving Peter alone with Paige and the cat.

“I know that what’s happening with Balthazar is making you both miserable,” Paige says at last. “But I also know your problems aren’t just rooted in him. Just-- Chels and I are here if you ever need to talk; I can’t promise to understand the whole time, but I can try. Anytime--about relationship problems or life problems or anything at all.”

“Thank you,” Peter says, as Chelsey comes out with a handkerchief--an actual, honest to god handkerchief. “This--this means more than you know.”

Chelsey drops down next to Paige, presses a tender kiss to her cheek, and Peter wonders, not for the first time, how they’ve managed to keep their relationship so stable. He’s never seen them fight, but the strength of their relationship suggests already having overcome some great obstacle.

“It will work out,” Paige assures him again, and here, in an ethereal garden with the remnants of her song in his ears, Peter almost believes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outlines to the rest of this fic, as well as the other spinoffs we had planned, can be found [here](http://pokeallthelawyers.tumblr.com/post/156612042609/outlines-for-the-olwy-spinoffs).
> 
> [TJ and Amal](http://tjandamal.com/) as referenced above is a real webcomic and it is very good! We both highly recommend it.
> 
> And, well, that’s all we’ve got. If you’ve made it all the way to the end - thank you. Really, truly, thank you. This universe would not exist in the first place without your support and your investment in it. We are putting this verse away, but it’s absolutely been an unforgettable part of our lives, and you are 100% the reason why that is the case. We hope you’ve enjoyed our work as much as we enjoyed making it. <3
> 
> Until next time, - L+S


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